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Nine:

waking up was not easy. i wanted to just sleep forever but tyler and his loud snoring kept me awake. he sleeps through literally everything so naturally, when i got up, i hit him with a pillow, and went back to bed. screaming in his ear doesn't work at all, the only thing it accomplished was pissing off people in neighbouring dorms. my sleep was also just awesome, because i woke up about every couple hours. i end up just sucking up tyler and his snores, and i get dressed. i open my laptop and check my email. shit. i have a five page essay due tomorrow during class. how did i forget about it? i get right on that and type as fast as i can. why the fuck do i have to write an essay on shakespeare and his accomplishments? we all know what he did for society in his day, so why is this relevant. i ignore the frustration with myself and co to ur to type. about an hour later, i have a very messy 3 pages done. i end up just going onto a few websites and copy pasting the last 2 pages and changing a few of the things. i edit the parts and then put  the essay into a fancy website that makes sure it's not plagiarized, and it seems safe. i submit it early even though i'll probably get a bad mark on it because i only spent one long hour whipping it up.

"you look exhausted." tyler points out in his raspy morning voice.

"no shit" i reply as i take in a deep breath.

"what's wrong?" he asks me.

"right now or in general?" i question.

"both." he reply's.

"well, i hope you remember yesterday so that's why i'm more fucked up than usual." i tell him.

"yeah i remember."

"good, now i'm gonna try and resolve this stupid mess with my brother peacefully. i suggest leaving the doors locked." i coldly state.

"why?" he asks.

"my brothers an idiot, and likes to throw punches when he's pissed." i shrug.

"just looking out for your safety" i add

"your the one who needs protection, not me." he smirks.

"have fun." i tell him. i get up from my spot and walk out the front door, without keys. the only thing i have with me is my phone and my single airpod that was left in my ear, the case is back in the room. i walk all the way over to brices dorm and knock violently on the door.

"calm yourself" he tells me.

"why don't you like me and tyler together?" i ask him.

"lower your voice, i got a pounding headache and the only medicine i have is crappy expired advil." he calmly tells me, but i can tell he's ready to fall over. one shove and he's be out, i can tell he's still a bit drunk.

"fine, the. tell what your problem is." i demand.

"it's not just tyler, it's the fucking group. anders, jack and anna all tip me over edge. you could find a lot of better friends, and ones who don't get involved in bad shit." he explains.

"what do you mean by bad shit?" i ask him.

"well, i don't know for sure, but there was a lot of rumours last year. i know for sure jack used to deal in highschool, anna's parents did a couples suicide infront of her when she was 14, anders is bad news all together, and tyler scares the shit out of me. i've seen him in fights and i don't want to get into one with him. i'd be dead in a second."  brice tells me. i see the fear in his eyes and i know he's not faking it.

"they all have either a dark past, or some fucked up remedy in their lives and you don't belong with them" he adds.

"what if i do?" i ask him.

"you don't. not one bit of you is as twisted as them." he tells me.

"you don't know me anymore brice. maybe i'm just like them."

"riley, no." he begs.

"i've known them long enough to know they are good people. they have right intentions, and i found good, real friends. it's as real as it's gonna get. like it or not, i'm friends with them and i'm not dropping them just because you say so. i know how to handle a bad situation, i've done it before, i can sure as hell do it again. i love you brice, but i'm not your puppet and i'm not gonna do whatever you say." i rant.

"i'm not saying you have to bow down to me riley."

"i know that."

"then why do you fucking act like it?! i'm trying to protect you because those people are bad and i don't wanna see you hurt. if it all works out in the end, you get to say i told you so. if not, i'll be waiting for you to come to your senses. i'm here for you not matter what, even if i don't agree with your life choices." he tells me. brice pulls me into a hug and kisses my forehead. tears start streaming down my face. i feel as if i just lost my brother.

"i'll leave you alone riley, as long as you promise me you'll make safe choices. i'm leaving next your and you'll need to navigate this on your own." he whispers.

"i love you" i tell him as i hug him back. he lets me go, and he holds me by the shoulders.

"i'm not gonna lose you like i lost my best friend. i'm sorry if i've been an asshole." he apologizes.

"it's okay, you were just trying to help." i re assure him. i stop crying and i leave brice alone. i walk around campus, and end up finding a pathway in the trees. everything just seems so damn dull and blue, i don't know if i can feel anything anymore. i walk deeper into the warm woods and find an isolated pond. the water is calming, undisturbed, and pretty. the water is so clear, i can see the shallow looking bottom. i grab a rock from the bottom, and throw it into the pond. i watch it sink into the bottom, but it takes a while. a really deep pond, and it looks barley used. this would be the perfect hideaway. i look at my phone, and realize it died. i shrug it off and make my way back to campus, and i go back to my dorm. i know on the door, and tyler answers.

"back so soon?" he asks me.

"what time is it? my phone died?"

"well, you left around 12:30 ish, and it's 6:50 right now." he explains.

"you've got to be shitting me right now." i whisper.

"nope, but you should probably eat something because i'm assuming you went somewhere specific for a while and just stayed there." he says.

"how'd you know?" i ask him.

"the leaves in your hair." he laughs. i pretend to laugh with him, but inside i feel hollow. empty. nothing.

"i'm actually just gonna take some time to myself. i need to process everything still." i say. he gives me an understanding nod and i crawl into my bed. i wrap myself into a few blankets and pull out my phone. i open an empty note and start typing out what happened and how i feel. this is my best therapy right now because i can't talk to myself and i can't cry either because i don't wanna make tyler uncomfortable so i have to cope like this. i write down every single weight i'm currently carrying and it helps me not feel alone, and it helps me to figure out how to fix it. i notice tyler giving me worried glances, and all i can do is smile at him awkwardly. he can tell i'm not okay, but he doesn't know how i plan on handling it.

"i'm fine tyler. go to bed please. your tired and you need sleep. it's been a rough day." i suggest to him in a warming tone.

"promise me you'll be okay? i don't like to see you like this." he makes me promise. i nod at him and give him a smile. he gets up from his own spot and plants a kiss on my forehead.

"i love you" i whisper.

"i love you too baby" he whispers back. my heartbeat quickens when he calls me that pet name. baby. if i could, i'd join him in his bed and fall asleep in his arms. i know all my problems would disappear if i could just be with him through it.

i sit on my bed thinking about how tyler makes me feel. i end up writing that down too out of pure joy because i can't help myself, but i don't care. he's all i need to be happy right now. fuck the anti depressants, he's the living antidote to all my pain. i shut off my phone and plug it in feeling rested. that kiss is all i needed to feel okay again. i drift off into a peaceful sleep, one i haven't had in a long time.