About (Harry Styles)

34.

Does anyone even listen to the songs I write here? Just curious. Because if not, I'll probably stop putting it since its just taking up random space. Haha. Lmk

Songs:

If I - Ross Copperman

Anytime - Alex James

After we eat our lunch and blow out the candles one by one, Harry sits on the floor, his back leaning against the large, cold glass window. Behind him, a mustard yellow sky, clouds scattered the sky, hiding away the sun's light.

I decide to join him. I stiffly tuck my legs into my chest, resting my chin on my arm as I keep my eyes locked under the bed, trying hard not to stare at the man beside me.

"What are your dreams, Harry?" I ask. He must have other ambitions even though he's reached half of this damned population's goals.

"Hm?" He raises his brows.

"You have dreams, don't you?" 

"Hmmm," he contemplates carefully, his eyes squinting into the ceiling. Once he's satisfied with his answer, he looks back down, a warm smile on his lips accentuating the dimples in his cheeks. "They're very unoriginal. I did tell you I was a man of cliches.."

I nod.

"My dream is to have a family," he says it so hopefully, so surely that it's going to happen that I almost want to change my own dreams, whatever that is. "That's my dream. I know it sounds very commonplace and all, but that's something I've always wanted."

"You need to marry to have a family," I remark in a loud whisper, more to myself than to him.

"Conventionally, yes," he lightheartedly replies.

"And you need love in order to marry...What is love to you, Harry?" I ask.

"Love?" He asks and I nod. "Why do you ask?"

"Because ... I'm not sure if I want it."

I feel him stiffen at my reply. Seconds seem to drag on as he tries to form a coherent reply. But it never comes. I continue avoiding his gaze, swallowing the rock that's been lodged in the back of my throat. When he doesn't say anything, I already know that this thing I have with Harry Styles won't last too long. That this was all too good to be true. That being away in a foreign place only added to the thrill of doing something ... reckless.

Like falling for someone.

"Love is ...," I continue my thoughts. "Something that scares me. And I don't want it, especially if it's from you."

"Wait, hold on. I don't think I understand you. If you don't want that, then what are we doing?" He asks.

"I don't know," I say. "All I know is that if I continue this," I say, giving in and looking at him but quickly regret my decision as I nonchalantly look away to the floor, afraid that he might see through me like he did once before. "And I start to feel more things, I'll grow attached to you and if I get attached, I'll start to miss you. And if I miss you, you'll become this need, this constant I'll want to rely on, and I don't want that. I don't want the distance to be a reason for drifting us apart because I know once we return to reality ...."

I can feel him looking at me, his smoldering eyes burning into the side of my head, trying hard to read anything - my thoughts, my body language.

"There will come a time when I can no longer have you. I know that you'll --"

"I'm not going anywhere..." Harry's words resonate in my head once again as I interrupt myself.

"What?" Harry asks, his tone suddenly harsh. "That I'll what?"