The Christmas Wish

Chapter 6

Thomas sat on his bed rubbing his hands. He looked at his clock. Jimmy told Thomas to meet him in his room at ten o'clock. It was now five till ten and Thomas could feel his stomach begin to twist in anxiety. Thomas let out a shaky breath then stood up and left his room. He slowly and silently made his way to Jimmy's door. He stood at it with his hand on the handle. Jimmy's light was on and Thomas knew Jimmy was waiting. He let out another breath then slowly opened the door. He kept his gaze on the floor as he entered and closed the door.

"Jimmy," Thomas said, "I...I just want to say I'm sorry for las-"

His words were lost as Jimmy grabbed his face and smashed their lips together. Thomas was in awe and shock as he slowly wrapped his arms around Jimmy's waist.

Oh so marvelous.

Jimmy pulled away and looked at Thomas. Thomas wanted to smile, but he held it when he saw the tears in Jimmy eyes. Jimmy suddenly placed his head on Thomas's should and began to cry. Thomas moved his arms up and tightly embraced him. He petted Jimmy's hair and shushed him as Jimmy continued to cry hard onto his shoulder. Thomas could feel the warm wetness on his shoulder and hated that they were Jimmy's tears, but all he could do was try and comfort the sad boy. Thomas moved them to sit on the bed to get more comfortable and began to once more try and calm Jimmy down.

"Its alright," Thomas whispered, "It'll be alright, love."

Jimmy's cry turned silent then he pulled away and looked at Thomas then smiled.

"Thats what he used to say," Jimmy said, "Its what he said that night, but...will it?"
Thomas took Jimmy's hand.

"Yes," Thomas said, "If you love me then yes."

Jimmy looked down then stood up and went to his bureau. He brought a small wooden box and sat with it in his lap. He stared at it before he opened it and pulled out the picture and handed it to Thomas. Thomas took it as Jimmy rummaged through the the box. Thomas still couldn't believe the resemblance between him and this Andrew. Then his heart fell.

Am I just a replacement?

"I don't know," Jimmy said, "I don't know if I love you...because of you...or Andrew. God you are so much alike. The way you talk, the way you act," Jimmy laughed, "The way you kiss. The only thing that separates you both is Andrew didn't like smoking. It reminded him of the war."

Thomas smiled slightly.

"Thats how we met, you know. We were both stationed in Paris and we grew close. He almost got killed because of me a couple of times. After the war was over, he went back to Lady Anstruther's and brought me along. My parents died before I went off to the war so I was pretty much homeless, but Lady Anstruther agreed to let me on as second footman. Andrew was first."
"She sounds like a very dear woman," Thomas said, "I've heard small mentions of Lady Anstruther in my days, but I've never seen her. She never visited the Abbey."

"She liked it, but she was often too busy looking after her nephew. He was always getting into trouble, of all sorts, and she'd have to get him out."

Thomas nodded. He read in many paper's about Lady Anstruther's Nephew, Nathan, getting into a lot of legal trouble but it'd all work out for him in the end.

"Andrew didn't like him," Jimmy continued, "He….Nathan made advances towards him nearly all the time he visited. Since he was first footman he would be the valet for Nathan when he came. Then last year Andrew refused to be his valet so Lady Anstruther appointed it to me."

Thomas became worried.

"Did he make advances towards you," Thomas asked.

"Andrew told me he often tried to pull Andrew out of his trousers, but with me he was...charming, sweet. I guess I fell for it a bit, but who wouldn't. Nathan was handsome and he knew it. He could have anyone he wanted if he tried hard enough."

"And he wanted you," Thomas said. Jimmy looked down into the box and began fidgeting.

"He wanted Andrew to bed, but he wanted me to love."

Jimmy pulled out a small pile of letters.

"He began writing to me. The things he said, I couldn't believe they were coming from him."

Thomas smiled and looked at the letters. It was all too familiar for him. Those sweet words and promises that were never true, all burnt up in a flame.

"Andrew was livid. He threatened that if I wrote back, that he'd leave me. Leave the house. So I talked with Lady Anstruther then went into the local village."

Jimmy pulled out two gold rings and held them up and smiled.

"She found a priest who performed secret marriages for people like us. One night I went to Andrew's room and placed it in his pillow with a letter. He had a habit of sleeping with his arm inside of his pillow so I knew he would find it...and he did. We got married the next day."

Thomas smiled. He heard of those secret weddings but only heard. The Duke mentioned it once but from all the other lies he told Thomas, Thomas grew to doubt there would be such a person who would wed two men. Jimmy pulled out a smaller letter and handed it to Thomas. Thomas opened it up and read it silently:

"I ask you to pass through life at my side—to be my second self, and best earthly companion."

Thomas smiled at the words.

"We were happy for nearly a whole year, until he fell ill."

Thomas looked up then handed the letter back to Jimmy.

"I want to love you," Jimmy said, "But I'm afraid I won't love you as Thomas, but as Andrew."

"Its all I ask, that you love me," Thomas said, "I may walk, talk, and look like Andrew, but we are two different people."

Jimmy looked up at him and slightly nodded.

"I suppose you are," Jimmy said, "You deserve love, Thomas. I'm just afraid I can't give it all to you yet."

"Andrew passed only a couple months, Jimmy. I do not ask nor expect you to be over him in such time, but I will say that when you are ready and your heart has healed, I'm right across the hall," he took Jimmy's face in his hands then kissed him.

"Waiting," he said as he pulled away. Jimmy looked into his eyes with tears threatening to fall again. Jimmy nodded then closed his eyes.

"I hope you don't have to wait too long," Jimmy said, "but it'd feel like I'm betraying him."
"Jimmy," Thomas said, "I would wait a lifetime for you as long as I know you would be mine eventually."

Jimmy smiled then gently kissed him on the cheek. Thomas wrapped his arms around him and they silently embraced one another.

"Thank you, Thomas," Jimmy said.

No, thank you, Jimmy.

Thomas closed the door gently as he entered his room. The smile had failed to fade as he crawled into his bed and shut of his lamp. He closed his eyes and slowly fell asleep. The future was looking all so bright for Mr. Barrow, but he should've been more expecting that something would try and take his angel away.