honey » david dobrik au

thirty four

The next week of my life all blurred together as my emotions of fear and anger and love became mixed.

I was happy: happy that Ester had forgiven me, happy that me and David were okay, happy that I was alive.

I was angry: angry that Alex did what he did, angry that I'd feel guilt for it forever, angry at myself for living when other people who didn't deserve it died.

I was, most of all, fearful. I stayed in the hospital for the next four days after I woke up while they checked to make sure everything was healing properly, and I wasn't going to spring a leak and die. While I was there, they had me on pain medication that made me sleepy. Every single time I fell asleep, I dreamed about Alex and the screams. God, the screams. I knew they weren't the exact screams I heard that day, but everything felt so real.

The dreams made me miss being in a coma. They were that bad. I was scared every second of every day, watching the news religiously for updates on Alex, but it wasn't just him.

I was scared if people learned my role in what Alex did, they would hate me. I told him, kind of, that I hated David and Liza and in his rampage, he targeted both of them. Liza did not and would not ever deserve to die, not like that. I felt evil. I felt like I caused it. If people knew that, they'd want me dead, too.

Despite all those feelings mashing up and making my life the most confusing it had ever been, everyone supported me one hundred percent. Ester came by the day I woke up, sometime after lunch, bearing gifts of Jello and a laptop to watch Netflix on.

She knocked before she entered and shyly spoke, "Hi, Honey."

"Oh my gosh," I smiled, feeling thankful that I was alone at the time. I had convinced David to leave to go take a shower, which is probably how Ester learned I was awake. "Come here!"

"We probably have a good ten minutes before David's back, unless he passes out in the shower, which is very much possible considering he hasn't eaten since Thursday."

"I'll tell him to pick me up a blanket or something from my house. He would do whatever I wanted him to," I half smiled, trying to gauge her reaction to my joke. I didn't want to make her uncomfortable, but if I couldn't even talk about David and I's relationship, then we were destined to fail.

"I am so sorry," she said after her face fell a little, just enough for me to notice. "I was so stupid, Honey. I should've never treated you like that, ever. You're my best friend. I just want to put this all behind us."

"I'm sorry, too. I should've been honest with you from the beginning, and honestly, it never should've happened."

"I don't care anymore," Ester shrugged, climbing into my bed. "For the past month, I've watched him give you longing looks from across the hallway and lunchroom and parking lot. You stepped in front of a gun for him. You should be together. I mean, I wouldn't have done that for Brandon. Which, by the way, I heard people were saying you fucked Brandon."

"Yeah," I wrinkled my nose in disgust. "As if my life couldn't have gotten any worse the past month."

She giggled and said, "I have to admit, when I was mad at you, that did make me smile."

"You deserved to smile at that," I told her, laying my head on her shoulder. "What movie are we watching?"

"I was thinking something romantic, but you're the one with the bullet hole in your abdomen, so I think you get final decision."