5SOS Preferences

hold me close ➣ ashton

"Is There Somebody Who Can Watch You" ; The 1975

You and Ashton are sitting on the cracked leather couch in your shared, third-story, apartment, watching one of both of your's favorite movie; for what must have been the thousandth time since you moved with each other about eight months ago. With your head on his shoulder, and his arm around your waist, you haven't felt this safe in weeks.

Just a month and a half ago, you walked in on burglars vandalizing the apartment. It was just after your late shift at the diner you met Ashton in just two years earlier. You had been talking on the phone with Ash, complaining how much you missed his stupid face while he was doing promotions with his band mates over the past three days, when you opened the door to reveal the individuals and your disheveled home. A small incident (aka screaming match) with one of the thefts left you battered and bruised and locked in the linen closet. At some point, without realizing, you had dropped your phone, losing all contact with the outside world. Luckily, Ashton had stayed on the phone long enough to hear what went down and, although he was hours away, immediately drove to you, contacting neighbors and the local police to explain the situation.

One bruised cheek and broken elbow later, Ashton is still by your side. He consoles you when you would awake in the middle of the night, crying, after reliving the event in a frightening dream and stays up with you when your fears of something like that happening again turn into insomnia. But now he's leaving.

In four days, Ashton will be living his dreams. Playing for screaming crowds of adoring fans that he and his three best friends/bandmates could call their own all over the country- all over the world. Of course, you both promise to talk every free moment you each have, but admittedly you're afraid.

This isn't like the last time- when he was just an opening act and you were never exclusively a 'thing'. You're not afraid of him cheating, you love each other too much for that, but of him being away. You fear that now that he has a significant enough of a chance, he'll run and fly away from all of your anxieties and burdens. And even though you're with him right now, you already felt hollow and lonely.

It was the easy rise and fall of his chest, the steady heartbeat that filled your ears when you cuddled, the way he silently hummed to himself while doing household chores, and the way that he still drums his fingers unknowingly- especially when he was nervous- that kept you calm. He made everything feel like home, no matter where you may be, and without that you were scared that you would finally break and crumble into the cracked splits in between the floorboards.

It was the nervous drumming that rendered you from your thoughts of what could become of your relationship. Except, the drumming wasn't coming from Ashton. You were absent mindly tapping your chipped black painted nails against Ash's forearm. He looked at you, concerned, when you suddenly stopped, causing you to blush and mumble a timid, "Sorry." You still felt his eyes on you after you ducked your head closer into him, hiding your face from his glance.

"I'm going to miss you," he breathes, tracing random shapes and lines into your side.

"Yeah, well, I'm going to miss you more," you retort.

"Shut up, I'm going to miss you most," Ashton mutters, pulling you into his chest and leaning back; so now you're cuddled in between him and the back cushions of the couch. You stay like that for awhile, and in that moment, it was just you, ashton, and the sound of both of your quiet breathing as the movie continues to play in the background.In a short time, you find yourself drifting back into somber thoughts.

What if something happens and he's not here for me? He's going to forget about me. What if he stops loving me? Am I going to get jealous of his fans? What happens if we get into a fight? How am I supposed to comfort him if he gets into a fight with Mikey? Or if he starts reading hate again? It's gonna be so silent around here. I'm going to be alone.