It's Hard To Say No

Chapter 1

August rolled around and summer was almost over.  Summer vacation gives me time to relax and just have "me" time, something I rarely get during the school year.  I haven't seen many of my friends this summer, not that I have too many.  Most of them were either on long vacations with extended family, or too busy to make plans with me.  I'm usually that friend that is always last choice to hang out with.

I spent most of my summer with my older sisters, who were staying for the summer at our beach house in California.  They both attend UCLA and live on campus.  It was nice to spend most of my time with them being that I rarely see them throughout the year.

My love life is pretty pathetic. I haven't had a boyfriend since the eighth grade... Does that even count?  Most of the guys in my school are either in a relationship, or low-lives who have nothing better to do then bang girls on the weekends at high school parties.  

I can't sit here and act like I'm some academic angle, because I'm not.  I've made many mistakes that I regret, but I'm one to live in the present and not dwell on those mistakes.  I've had a bit too drink, smoked a few times, made out with some guys, danced on guys at parties, and maybe even gotten close to getting my virginity taken away.  (I'm a virgin!) 

When I was younger, I always thought my teenage years would be thrilling, filled with boys and a hot romance, but it's the complete opposite.  I sit in my room all night doing homework and talking to my one close friend, Cam.

I've made a bucket list for senior year.  Things I WILL do by graduation.  I'm not being cheesy either.  I feel as though these things are rather realistic.  For any other high school girl, this stuff is a walk in the park.  But for a nerdy girl who stays at home on Friday nights and FaceTime's her one best friend, this stuff doesn't happen to me!

I have two weeks left of summer to relax and have fun with my family.  After that, it's time to focus on school and my bucket list.  

In other news, I got an amazing internship over at Seventeen Magazine this summer.  I'm really into writing journals, letters, and small documents that are casual.  I got a few of my work published, so I had my five seconds of fame... Not really.

I also had multiple run-ins with this guy who I use to have a thing with.  We were never "dating," but we acted like a couple.  His family has a beach house in the same area as I do in California, so we see each other a lot.  Our "breakup" was pretty mutual, but it still can be slightly awkward when we run into each other because we don't really know what to say.

I feel a lack of motivation this year in dealings with school.  Usually I have my pack of number two pencils with me ready to go, but this year I want this to be all about me.  I'm still going to have a main focus on schoolwork, but I also want to live a little.

Who knows, my life might actually get a bit of excitement for once.  I might actually feel wanted, needed, and have a purpose.  Let's hope for a bit of romance too!