Anger Is A Girl's Best Friend(I Am Not Okay With This fanfic)

The Party/I Fucked Up

"It's not what good girls do, not how they should behave, my head gets so confused, hard to obey..I kissed a girl and I liked it, the taste of her cherry chapstick..I kissed a girl just to try it, I hope my boyfriend don't mind it."
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     I sat on my bed, my eyes glued to the monstrosity before me, and I swallowed hard. The horror I would have to face was outweighed by the desire to hang out with Syd at an actual party, but still. Fucking dresses, man. This particular one had been my Mom's; It was my real mother's, and was black, silky, and would definitely show off parts of myself I'd rather keep hidden, but it was the only stupid dress I owned, and there was no way I would be outdone by Dina, who would no doubt be wearing some skimpy outfit. Ugh, damn jealousy..Why couldn't it just go away already? It had literally taken me about three hours just to force myself to look at that thing, not having even gone near it since my parents were killed, and now, I was debating my poor life choices, not wanting to look gross at a party, but not wanting everyone to stare, either. So I made a compromise with myself; I would wear the fucking dress to the party, and the instant I felt too weird, I'd change into normal clothes. Great plan, right? I stood up, and walked over to the dress, then pulled it off the hanger, and closed my eyes, the scent of my mother still strong on it. I felt tears start to burn my eyes, and forced them back. That wasn't the time for stupid tears, not when I'd be facing practically the whole school in a dress.

    Fuck it. I couldn't do it. Not that dress, not that night, and definitely not when wearing it would cause me to lose my shit when no one was looking. I dug through my closet, and found something that was just as possibly dangerous to my mental health to wear, but easier; I pulled the suit off the hanger, and found it didn't smell like my Dad anymore, which kinda made me sad. But I was going to suck it up, because Valerie Benson was a badass bitch, and I wouldn't be defeated by stupid clothing that wouldn't bring anyone back, no matter how badly I wished it would. Surprisingly, it fit me perfectly, and I ran my fingers through my hair, staring into my mirror. I suddenly had an idea, one that I thought was awesome, but I really didn't think through, as I pulled scissors out of my dresser drawer, and began snipping my hair piece by piece, until it was short and spiky, and I felt like I was fucking free from some weight I hadn't even known existed. As the finishing touch, I spritzed myself with some Old Spice cologne, and took a deep breath, deeming myself ready. Knowing there wasn't a chance in hell Phil and Diane would let me out looking like that, I quietly snuck out the window, and began walking to the party.

    The second I stood outside that house and heard the thumping bass, laughter, and cheers coming from inside, my whole body wanted me to turn around and go home. I shoved my hands into my pockets, and forced myself to do the complete opposite, and slowly walked up the steps. I averted my eyes from the people I passed, the strong stench of alcohol in the air, and finally managed to make it all the way upstairs, where the music was booming, and the heat wave from dancing bodies was extreme. My muscles seemed to lock in place, as my breathing got faster, and I began feeling dizzy. As my legs buckled, someone caught me, and a familiar voice said,"Whoah, how much did you have to drink, dude?" I was set on a couch, and blinked, looking up into the faces of Dina and Syd. Syd's eyes widened, and she said,"Holy shit! Val?? What the hell happened to your hair?"

    My face began heating up, and I flinched, then looked down. I heard a faint smack of a hand against skin, and Syd muttered,"Ow..I never said I didn't like it. It's pretty badass." I looked up again, and quietly asked,"Really? You like it?" She offered me that heart melting smile, and nodded. "Definitely..Now come on, and let's have fun!" She tugged me up by my hand, and happy tingles ran through my body, as we suddenly ended up dancing together. For the next thirty minutes, I was actually perfectly happy, eating pizza, drinking, and laughing with Dina and Syd, until none other than Stan the Man showed up. My mood instantly deflated, but I forced a smile, as we all flopped down on the couch together. It occurred to me that both girls were drunk, Dina more than Syd, and realised that must be the reason they weren't all that awkward around me like usual. My mood deflated even more, as Dina began giving him the third degree, obviously having heard of his and Sydney's sexual exploits, and it was all I could do not to run out of there, knowing I was already fucked.