Anger Is A Girl's Best Friend(I Am Not Okay With This fanfic)

I Am Not Okay/Confession/Desperation

(A/N: I hope you're ready for this lol)

A few days later, as soon as I walked into school, I did my best to be a stone cold bitch, already hearing the whispers, meaning the rumors and insults had spread like wildfire. I was way too tired to take any more drama, and yet, stupid shit hit me in the face. One of Brad's friends asked me,"Yo, dyke, how's Jenny Tuffield in bed?" Another boy wolf whistled at me, and his friend told him,"Sorry, bro, you're not her type. You're not a dyke." Obviously, word about me and Jenny in the bathroom at Ricky's party was spreading fast, and everyone thought we'd fucked. It was a great day already..Fuck my life. And it just kept getting better. Lo and behold, apparently looking at the floor was not my brightest idea, as I slammed face flat into none other than Syd. She turned around, a pissed expression on her face, but froze, as she saw it was me. Oh, shit. Abort mission, run, go! I practically ran away from her, leaving her standing speechless in the hallway, and sighed with relief, as I slumped down in my desk, my forehead pressed against the cool wood.

My head began throbbing with a very annoying migraine as the day went on, the word "dyke" following me around like a stormy rain cloud, and the fire inside of me kept growing hotter and hotter, and I felt sorry for the poor asshole who felt its wrath when it finally exploded. Sadly, the fire actually began dying as the day began coming to a close without hurting anyone, replaced by crushing sadness and embarrassment. I hated it. More than anything, I wished I had never gone to that party, and that I'd never kissed Syd. And all day, I could feel her watching me, but never said a word to her, not really sure what the hell I even could say. Sure, just walk up to her, and say,"Hey, Syd, sorry I kissed you at the party, it didn't mean anything." Yeah, she'd totally believe that bullshit. And it didn't help that Stanley fucking Barber seemed to be watching me, too. What the fuck? There was no way he could know about me and the stupid trees and the stupid party, but he was acting weird, like he did know something. It began getting increasingly annoying, especially during the last class of the day, which happened to be Biology, when he silently followed Syd around, bothering her. When she raced out of class to use the bathroom, he suddenly was in front of me, a grin on his face. "You need to test your powers." I blinked. Huh? What the- "I have no idea what you're talking about. I think the weed is rotting your brain, Stan.." I awkwardly laughed, trying not to panic. Be calm, Val, don't freak out.

Stan sighed, and whispered,"Look, I know why you and Syd are hanging out together." Wait- No way. I began hyperventilating, thinking he knew I liked Syd, and worse, I'd kissed her at the damn party, and the ringing began blocking out every sound around me. Calm down, Val, for Christ's sake! The room seemed to be spinning slightly, and I couldn't take it anymore, sprinting from the room, and took a note from Syd; I raced to the bathroom as fast as I could, and barricaded myself inside a stall, breathing hard, as I put my head in my hands. "It's fine.. There's no fucking way he knows. Just calm down, Val, before you lose it.." I nearly jumped out of my skin, as a voice from the stall next to mine asked,"Val? Holy shit, is that you?" My mind went blank, realising it was Syd, and lamely replied,"No.." Wow, clever response, dumbass. Silence stretched on for a few minutes, and then, the sound of a stall door being unlocked was heard, and then, a light knock on my stall door. I sighed, before getting up, and unlocked the door, swinging it open, then stared at the floor. Interesting how frigging amazing a floor looks when you're trying to avoid confronting your fears, isn't it? Syd awkwardly muttered,"Soooo.. Do you wanna talk about what happened, or not?" I felt a blush creep up my face, and shook my head, receiving an annoyed sigh in response.

I slowly forced myself to look up, and found her face only inches from mine. I squeaked out a terrified sound, and took a step back. Why the fuck was I so scared? Obviously, if it had meant something to her, she would've said so, right? So there was no reason to be such a chicken about that shit, given she wasn't interested in me. Syd frowned, and ran a hand through her messy hair, then quietly asked,"Can we please talk about it? I don't wanna lose a friend over stupid shit." I flinched, her words cutting deep, and muttered, tears in my eyes,"No. I don't want to talk about it..Not now, not ever. Obviously I was a dumbass for even doing it in the first place, because you think it's stupid." I shoved past her, hiding my tearstained face, and she started,"Val, that's not what I-", but I was already gone, running out of the school as fucking fast as I could go, my heart in tatters. I got home, and was thankful that Phil and Diane were gone to God knows where, and ran into my room, slamming the door. I flopped down on my bed, and curled up into a pathetic ball of tears, feeling like a complete and utter idiot for ever thinking Syd could fucking like me. I'd been kidding myself, reading too much into things, and now I was suffering for my stupidity. I stayed where I was, even as I heard the front door slam, and shouting started as usual, not having much willpower to move, the energy drained out of me. At least I'd finally managed to stop crying like a baby, because I knew they'd bitch at me and make fun of me, and I couldn't take it right then.