My Tendencies [Hiatus]

Chapter 11: Inner Battle

-->I might've cried while writing this<--

Y/n POV

I gulped and started playing with the bands that were on my wrist that I put on before I opened the front door.

Okay.

I took a deep breath in.

All I need to do is tell them. No big deal. They already told me they wouldn't hate me.

I stared at their faces. All four of them were giving me soft smiles and waited patiently for my answer.

I can't tell them! Then they'll start worrying about me. They shouldn't be worrying about me. If I tell them, then I'm putting all of my stress on them and that would be selfish.

If I tell them I'll be selfish. Why should they worry about me anyway? I'm worthless.

Even my own first family hated me before I was adopted by the people I consider my parents now.

I was the only kid in my first family. I wasn't exactly planned and once my original parents found out that they were having me, they became dysfunctional. I was the mistake.

At first they tried to make it work but I costed too much money. As a result, my parents would get drunk and beat me when I first learned how to walk. They would yell at me about how it was my fault they were broke. I was the problem.

My original dad drank too much once and broke a beer bottle and used one of the shattered pieces to try and stab me. He was able to cut me deep in my hip before he passed out. I was 9.

As soon as he passed out, I took my chance to run out the front door to my neighbor's house. I remember banging on the door and the neighbor angrily opened it. I couldn't blame her, it was very late at night.

Once she caught sight of my state, she rushed me to the hospital. I was questioned but I didn't answer to anyone. I was starving and dehydrated.

My neighbor was sitting in a chair while I laid down in the hospital bed, connected to the machines. When she mentioned my parents were coming to pick me up, my heart rate monitor sped up and I screamed, "No!" Over and over.

My neighbor pieced together all of the clues and Child Protective Services became involved. My parents were thrown in prison.

I was about to be put in foster care but my neighbor had told the service that she wanted to adopt me. She asked me if I wanted to live with her and her boyfriend who soon became her husband three years later.

It took some time for me to trust them and break out of my shell but I eventually did.

I broke out of my shell only to hide back in it today. The power of bullying and abuse from years earlier still affecting me.

Tears gathered in my eyes again. I looked over at them and I saw them frowning when they noticed my tears.

Jisoo pulled me into her and hugged me. The dam broke, I started sobbing hysterically.

I don't deserve Jennie, Rosé, Jisoo and Lisa. All I'm going to do is cause them to be stressed and that would be selfish of me.

I shouldn't be selfish.

I need to push them away from me now.

But... They make me feel so safe.

No! I need to push them away now! I'm worthless. Their lives would be so much better without me.

It's better for all of us this way.

I pulled away from Jisoo's hug and furiously wiped my eyes with my sleeve, "You guys need to leave."

They all looked at me shocked.

"Y/n??" Lisa questioned.

"Now," I said with absolutely no emotion in my voice.

"Y/n. Please don't push us away," Jisoo begged me.

"Whatever it is you're going through right now, we'll help you get through it." Jennie desperately said.

"LEAVE!" My voice boomed, echoing throughout my room. More tears left my eyes.

They all had tears in their eyes.

"No!" Rosé yelled back at me.

I looked at her, stunned.

"We are not leaving! We are staying right here with you!" She continued to yell, "You cannot get rid of us that easily!"

She scooted close to me and pulled me into the four of them. I let out a gasp as all four of them wrapped me into a group hug.

All of us were crying.

"Please don't do this to us," Lisa whispered.

I slowly hugged them all back and buried myself in their warmth, "I'm sorry!"

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry," I repeated.

"Shhh" Jisoo lightly shushed me.

I was exhausted, both mentally and physically. I yawned. I felt myself being lifted up so they can pull my blanket down.

All of us got under my blanket and wrapped themselves around me, I was right in the middle. My eyelids felt heavy and I blinked multiple times to try and stay awake.

Everyone on the bed was sleeping already except for me and Rosé, who was on my right. She was staring straight at me with a soft smile. She leaned in and gave my cheek a kiss.

"Go to sleep," she whispered before she pulled away.

It was enough to lull me to sleep. I closed my eyes, entering dreamland feeling completely safe and warm with everyone cuddling me.

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"But I made a promise."