J A D E

Chapter Thirty - Nine

I stand in front of Tsunade proudly. My eyes are filled with love and joy. But her gaze, it is not same. Yes, she still holds that motherly love, I missed so much. But instead of happiness, they are filled with grief. Sadness. Madness.

"What's wrong Tsunade-sama?" I ask with raised eyebrows. She does not say anything, instead takes her place by the desk. Her gaze is lingering on me, before she finally averts them and stares at the paperwork in front of her.

"Nothing." She sighs finally. "I have taught you everything that I know Sakura." I nod, already knowing it. She more likely helped me to revise them. I have learnt them in my previous life. "You are even storing your chakra for the mark." I nod once again, not knowing what else is there to say. "Sakura, sit." I obey and take a seat in front of her. "Ne, Sakura-chan... What is your dream?" I look up at her confused.

"Ne, Sakura-chan... What is your dream?" Tsunade-sama asks me in low, murmuring tone. Her eyes are casted down, sadness filling them.

"I... I want to become the strongest shinobi in the whole world." I admit, nabbing my lower lip. "I want to be strong enough to be acknowledged." I continue talking. "I want to be someone, people can trust."

She does not say anything, but nods. She looks down at the glass of Sake, but she does not drink it. Instead, she puts it aside, her focus only on me.

"Don't you want to have...family?" She asks me quietly. "Don't you want to have a loving husband and children to go home to...?" Her voice cracks by the end.

"I..." I breath in and out. My answer already forming in my head. "I don't." I look down, scared of how she may look at me. "I wanted it, long ago." I admit, rubbing my face. "I wanted to have a family with... Sasuke. But then... He left. He left me." I whisper with tears pooling in my eyes. "He tried to kill me, rejected me... I decided that I wanted to move on. But it was easier said than done." I chuckle humorlessly at this. "Then... Gaara appeared." I start in a low voice, small smile tugging my lips. Tsunade looks up at me with pained eyes. "And the war started... When we got close, even during the relationship, he knew that I could never be his entirely." I add with another cold, heart-broken chuckle. "And then Sasuke returned." I cough, trying to hold in the sobs. "And he died..." I add with a sigh. "I don't want to risk my heart being broken, Tsunade-sama. I don't want to return home, go on missions knowing that there might be someone, that would care about me. I want to go all in. I want to give myself to the village and its people entirely."

"My d-dream?" I ask with stutter and sigh as she nods. "I want to be stronger." I look down at my hands. "I... I want to be someone, people can lean on." I continue talking with small smile tugging my lips. "I want to be strong enough to protect village and my precious people." I start playing with my fingers.

"But aren't you already strong enough?" Tsunade asks me skeptically. I can feel worry in her tone. I can see it in her eyes.

"One can never be strong enough, Tsunade-sama." I smile at her gently. "I want to be someone to protect everyone, it means that I have to get stronger. No matter what."

"But... don't you wish to settle down? To have family?" She asks me carefully. I can see tears forming in her eyes. She wanted all these. To have a family, children. Yet, the man she loved died in the war and she lost that one person, that meant everything for her.

"No." I shaky my head and look down. "I mean yes." I mumble and bite my lower lip. "Of course, I want to have family." I whisper. "But I can't have one." I shake my head. "I can't let myself go on missions, while worrying about people, who would wait for me at home." I mumble and swallow the bile in my throat.