Enamoured

Me-Time

"What are you gonna wear for the campfire party tonight?" Clara asked while diligently doing her nails. She chose a hot pink colour to match the black dress that she had chosen.

The episode from this morning wore me out. All I kept thinking about was how understanding Ryan was.

Part of me blushed at the idea that he felt a connection between us too. But another corner of my heart was scared, to move forward, to let him get to know me.

My interwoven scars ran too deep in my soul for me to unveil them, or to go through them again. It was traumatising to me, to trust again.

I was lying on my bed while looking at the white ceiling. I was wearing comfortable pyjamas and a hoodie which was of course my favourite piece of clothing. I clearly had no intention of going out. Would Ryan be there? Not that I cared but... would he talk to other girls who approached him?

"Dior?" asked Clara suddenly. She was standing in front of me with her straightener in her hands. "Were you even listening?" she sighed.

"About..?" I attempted sheepishly.

"About the party for tonight, which is in one hour," she took a seat on my bed and looked at me with eyes full of concern. "Honey I know today was a lot for you. But you clearly like this guy! I don't think it's fair for you to limit yourself like that because of a shitty past."

I got up and sat cross-legged cupping my face with the palm of my hands.

"I know, but I need some time," I pouted, at which she sighed again.

"Okay I get this part. Trust me. But promise me you won't be thinking about all this negativity while I'm gone for the party. I'm just a call away, okay?"

"Yes, thank you babe," I couldn't help but smile at this wonderful friend I had.

She gave me a huge hug until she realised that she had less than an hour to get ready. When she was gone, I was back to staring at the ceiling.

Life was so strange sometimes. It just hit your hard when you least needed it, whether it was positive or negative. Just when you thought you had control, that was when you would slip and fall right on your face. And the surprise would be either you'd stand back up to a dream, or a nightmare.

I liked this me time. It was private, quiet. I dimmed the lights in my room so it was cool and nice. The temperature was already down so I liked this feeling. The cool temperature had always been my favourite.

I wondered if Ryan went to the party as well. I figured that he wasn't much of a party person during the previous parties. He had made a few appearances though. And as soon as he would get to the party, girls' eyes would be glued to him. Some would even be ready to throw themselves at him, and others would pull him away to propose to him. He would always politely excuse himself and then get back to his friends. How did I know that? That was because I never did anything much at parties. I would only sit somewhere and barely talk to anyone, except Clara. I wasn't an antisocial. I just hated guys talking to me with a clear intention of sleeping with me. There was a few nice guys, but they weren't my type. They weren't Ryan.

"What?!" I shouted and immediately sat on my bed. "What are you thinking Dior? Get this out of your head Right Now!" I hid my face with my hands. What was freaking me out was the unconscious way he was getting involved in my thoughts. That was dangerous.

Suddenly, my phone blasted. I grabbed my phone from under my pillow and froze as soon as I looked at the name on the screen.

It was Ryan. Ryan Cooper was calling me.