Enamoured

Dumbfounded

Existentialism. The feeling of questioning who we are. The importance of knowing why we came to life, and the purpose of us being here. It's all about reason, and beyond. But who we are matters to us. There are two perceptions, the eyes that define us and, our eyes through which we define ourselves.

The more we question our image in the eyes of the beholder, the more doubtful we become and the more expectations we have.

Yet this life is meant to be lived, happy or not, it's meant to get through, quintessentially.

Human beings need a purpose. We need feelings, and emotions, things that are of the ordinary. Moments that catch our breath. Times where these breathtaking seconds or minutes make us believe that we deserve to be happy, with ourselves, and with the complement of someone in our lives.

Such a moment was brought by Ryan.

No matter how much I want to ignore it or deny it, that moment alone near the wall, the way he made my heart throb in front of the big crowd, the way my heart fluttered because of his care last night, this all made me realise that maybe..maybe there was something more to him in my heart. He wasn't just a friend. He wasn't a boyfriend either. But he was someone who was simply there, who emerged from the shadow to the stage when I least expected him to. That was what he had been doing all this time.

"Did you hear that this module is being combined with some Science students?" said Clara while applying her lipstick.

We were already at our desks in class but we were early so there were just the two of us. Her question made me snap out of my thoughts.

"What do you mean?" I looked at her with an inquisitive brow.

"What I mean is, we're gonna have new guys to look at in this class, probably hot ones and given that you're single, we're gonna find you somebody," she smirked.

"No way. But, I don't understand why."

"Didn't you read the mail?"

"What mail?" I scribbled in my notebook unbothered.

"Oh, let it be. It's not like Ryan Cooper will be here anyway."

And that got me a chill in my spine.

We both froze with our mouths in the shape of an O. We turned to look at each other and we were both questioning that very hypothetical thought. Other students started to get in the classroom and Clara was right, there were a few new faces. Guys who were looking, others staring.

"Oh come on, I don't think so. Let's not talk about this undefined possibility." We both shrugged off this chilly idea.

He wouldn't be here too, would he? This class was about communication skills so I don't think tha...

"Hey, you're Dior, right?" I looked up to meet light blue eyes and short classic hair. "I'm Jake. Jake Reynolds, from the medical field." He said with a sweet smile.

"Nice to meet you. Yes, I'm Dior. But how..?"

"Oh, how do I know your name?"

"Yes."

"Well, it's because you caught my eyes on the first day itself and I've been wanting to come and talk to you, and today, I finally can." I was stunned.

First day? Was I daydreaming or did I actually feel like he had been observing me without me knowing? Oh, I probably was thinking too much.

"Is this seat next to you taken?" he suddenly asked, still with that same smile.

What to do? I didn't want him to sit next to me and I knew that everyone in the class was observing. Probably because he was attractive. Yes he was. So what? I couldn't be bothered about that. What should I say?

"I believe it is."

I heard everyone gasp. That voice. I looked at the door and saw Ryan standing. He was absolutely gorgeous in his black jeans, white shirt and beige jumper. Everyone stared in shock.

He started making his way in the middle of the class to the row where I was and as he gracefully got on each stair, I could see everyone looking, not even looking but literally staring at his every move. The girls were excited to see him but he.. His eyes never left mine as soon as I looked at him.

"Ryan! I'm so glad we're in the same class," said Shirley, a girl from the Science department, who was quite famous for having a weak spot for Ryan. She stopped Ryan short, "I even saved you a seat." I could tell her eyes were filled with excitement and that made me jealous a bit.

As for everyone else in the class, they kept looking as if all they needed was popcorn. I hated this limelight. But then, he was the campus' hot nerd.

"I'm sorry Shirley. I appreciate it but Dior has already saved me a seat next to her." With that said, he literally walked past her with a polite smile.

Jake was dumbfounded as Ryan just walked past him and took the seat beside me.

"Dude I was here first." Jake scowled.

"That doesn't mean anything," Ryan stared at him. I could feel the tension between them.

Well I was shocked too. When did I save him a seat? Clara and I looked at each other with a questioning look in our eyes. Then she smirked. Uh oh, I knew that one. Ryan took out his notebook, completely focused as if he didn't do anything.

I felt a bit bad for Jake, who was a bit embarrassed and took a seat at the back. He frowned, and I could tell he wasn't pleased with the situation.

"Did you have breakfast?" Ryan suddenly asked. I realised that he was looking at me while I had spaced out in my thoughts again.

"No, I didn't feel like it."

"How are you feeling?" he asked with concern in his eyes. I blushed and looked at my hands on my lap thinking about last night. I was clearly embarrassed and shy.

"I'm okay Ryan, thanks." I looked away.

"I know you are but still," he put a milkshake in front of me, "I got you a chocolate milkshake." he smiled with a twinkle in his eyes. Gosh my heart was melting. Did guys really do that anymore? It wasn't like I had never had milkshakes before, but chocolate soothed me. How did he know that? Oh yes, medic. But, wasn't it particularly personal as a preference?

"Thank you," I was clearly blushing.

"You're welcome," he said with a cute smile. The concerned look in his eyes started to make me feel at ease.

Oh, how was I going to get through this class with him next to me?

God save me.