the downfall of mia // hs

chapter 2 // still the weakest must go ✓

chapter 2 // still the weakest must go

*may be triggering

the weekend had ended much to my dismay and it was time to return to my own personal hell. waking up at 6:30 in the morning was not pleasurable. i groaned as my alarm went off, swooping my fingers everywhere on my phone hoping it would make the noise end. by the time i properly stopped the alarm it was too late and i was wide awake. i grabbed my phone and winced at the brightness of the screen. i opened my text messages and read two of them

harry the cupcake:

good morning mia!

i missssss myyyy beeesssstttt frrrriiiieeeennnnnddddd

i giggled at his use of extra letter and sent him a reply back

good morning harry x

i put my phone down on my nightstand and got out of bed. i took a quick shower and applied a little bit of makeup over the faint scratch marks left from my encounter with chad on saturday. I threw on a hoodie and some sweatpants for torture and pulled my hair back into a ponytail. my contacts were being extremely itchy today so i opted for my glasses, grabbed my phone, book bag, and headed downstairs to eat breakfast

"morning mum" i said sliding past my mother making eggs on the stove. i grabbed an apple and gave her a kiss goodbye

"have a good day!" she yelled as i rushed out the door before she could say anything else

"is that even possible" i muttered to myself

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sliding into my seat in first period i immediately put my head down and upped the volume on my headphones. when the bell finally rang i slide my phone into my bag and took out my notebook for notes. first period is english, which i'm surprisingly pretty good at. i scribbled down whatever the teacher in silence. I eventually tuned her out and drifted off into my thoughts

"mia?" i heard and i immediately listened to the teacher

"can you tell us what you wrote?"

i heard snickers from behind me as i paused hopefully trying to recall what we were doing at that period in time.

slowly i asked "can you please repeat the question?"

"please read me one of your sentences using one of the vocab words. from your homework?"

I nodded and flipped a page into my notebook until i found what she was looking for me to say

"the thought of leaving her best friend was very lachrymose"

the snickers were heard again once i was finished, but i ignored them and looked at my teacher for approval.

"very nice. cammie, can you read me yours?" she said as she turned to another student and i drifted off again

i was only aware of my surroundings when the bell rang and it was time to move to our next classes like rats through a maze. the rest of the day was uneventful, the same comments were whispered as i past people in the hallway. i didn't understand why everyone hated me. was i ugly? was i fat? was i just not meant to be on earth? i've known these people since i was twelve and we were just kids in middle school.

i had friends at first and slowly they started to abandon me. some of them found their passions and some of them decided that i wasn't cool enough for them anymore, so by sophomore year there was maybe one girl friendly to me.

heading to my car after the last bell rang i was pleased to have not have had anything major happen to me today. i got into my car and drove home

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"hi guys, today i'll be singing lifeboat from heathers the musical. enjoy" i said into the camera. the camera was pointed towards the piano my mom keeps in our basement. all that was visible on camera were my hands and my wrists covered in many bracelets

"i float in a boat

in a raging black ocean

low in the water

and no where to go

the tiniest lifeboat

with people i know"

as i continued to play i hadn't even realized the tears that were sliding down from my cheeks

"i'm hugging my knees

and the captain is pointing

well who made her captain!

still the weakest must go

the tiniest lifeboat

full of people i know

the tiniest lifeboat

full of people i know"

by the time i finished the song my lap was wet from the tears that had landed there. i stopped my camera and took it to my room. i plugged in the memory card to my computer and began to export the files onto my laptop. while that process was happening, without realizing i clicked onto my facebook and was surprised to see 10 notifications all from people in my school. i made my facebook when i was 14, hoping that would help me fit in better. i read through the posts people wrote on my wall

you're such a slut!!!!! i bet you have sex with every guy you see!!!

wow looking like a cow much these days

mia's just going to cry and slice her wrists

why don't you bleed to death already?

drink the bleach bitch!

i was unable to control the tears that came flowing from my face. my vision was blurred as i stumbled into my bathroom. i opened the last drawer and took out what appeared to be a small mints case that contained my own personal paintbrushes.

i took one to my left wrists and began drawing lines and soon the lines became red and then my arm was red and my work of art was four slashes with red dripping down. i could imagine myself taking the blade across my neck and bleeding to death. i dreamed i had the guts to do it, but for now i would have to live.

i cleaned up the mess i had created and threw on a black long sleeve t shirt to replace my blood stained hoodie. i personally put my hoodie in the wash and went back to my laptop to upload the song i just sung.

as lifeboat was uploading i checked the comments from my other most recent video. the comments were usually by the same theater kids that i grew to love over time and became my only other friends besides harry. as i kept scrolling, there was one comment from a user i had never seen before.

herewegoagain 1 day ago

wow! you're actually incredible. you sound like such a lovely girl. message me? xx