the downfall of mia // hs

chapter 6 // i know you know who i am ✓

chapter 6 // i know you know who i am

"w-what are you talking about?" i stuttered.

"don't act like you don't know what i'm talking about you stupid bitch!" braden yelled in my face.

she dug through her purse until she pulled out a photo and shoved it in my hands

"drop the role or your secret is out" she said as she unlocked the bathroom door and stormed out

i looked down at the photo she had given me. it was a picture of harry and i at our favorite park back in chesire. we had our arms over each others shoulders and had the biggest smiles on our faces. i was 8 years old and harry was 12. a tear slid down my cheek and i quickly wiped it away.

i couldn't let everyone find out about harry and i. it would be a disaster. it would look horrible for his image. they find out about us and they start digging into our lives, trying to figure out how they didn't originally know this. they would bring old secrets to the surface. my life would be plastered all around the internet, people finding every flaw in my life. he would be questioned as to why he would ever hang out with a depressed freak like me. it would ruin our lives.

as much as i didn't want braden win, i knew what i had to do.

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"mrs. moreno?" i called walking into the drama room after school. she was sitting at her desk typing.

"ah! mia! come come" she said. i took in a deep breathe and walked to her desk

"hi umm i don't think i can do the show anymore" i said nervously looking down at my shoes

she looked up from her laptop keys "mia? are you sure about this? you're perfect for the role, i'd hate to see you drop something that is yours rightfully"

i nodded "i'm sure. i'm very sorry for the inconvenience"

mrs. moreno sighed "did braden say something to you? i can talk to her you-"

i stopped her "no no no braden didn't say anything, i just can't do the show i'm sorry"

mrs. moreno looked down and then back at me "okay. please audition for the next show at least"

i nodded "of course. thank you mrs. moreno"

i walked out of the room and made it to my car before i started to cry. i hated myself for letting braden overcome me so easily and so quickly. i hated myself i hated myself

i hate myself.

i drove straight home, picked up my guitar, camera, and drove to the park. i sat down in my secluded spot on this very fine tuesday and sat down in the grass. i adjusted the camera so it showed only my hands and my guitar and began to sing.

"i am the one who loved you

i am the one who cared

i am the one and you just walked away"

tears slid down my cheeks as i continued to sing putting all of my emotions into the song

"i am the one who held you

i am the one who cried

i am the one who watched

while you died"

i sat on the grass for a few minutes even after finishing my video, taking in the sun, and enjoying being secluded and being alone. i didn't know if i wanted to keep living. what was the point? i had no friends except for one millions of miles away. why would everyone say all these mean things to me if it wasn't true? because they were true. i probably was a fugly skank.

i decided i didn't deserve to live anymore. i believed what they said

so, i began the journey to the end

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i sat in my car trying to imagine how i would do it. slice my wrists open? drown in a bottle of pills? stick my neck through a hoop? drink bleach?

i decided on jumping. i've always wanted to fly.

i drove to this bridge we have in chicago, it's not used very often because it's not the most reliable bridge in chicago. i parked next to it and turned off the card. i thought about writing a note to my mom maybe, but i didn't have time to write a note. i needed to do this before someone stopped me. one day, she'll understand that i didn't leave because of her. i'm leaving because of myself.

i climbed up the bridge until i reached the top feeling the wind blow through my hair. my heart was pounding, my head swirling with thoughts

1 foot over the ledge

i thought about my mom. how would she react? would she cry? would she blame herself?

2 feet over the ledge

i thought about harry. would he attend my funeral? would he cry? would he care? maybe he would sing.

1 hand off the ledge

i thought about the people from my school. would they care? would they lie to the tv cameras and say "mia was the sweetest girl i ever knew. it is such a shame what's happened to her"

2 hands off the ledge

this was it. i was seconds away from flying and disappearing forever

come baby with me we're gonna fly away from here

1 hand on the ledge

i couldn't do it. i'm not strong enough. i'm weak and scared. i'm too scared to do it, so i'm stuck with pain.

i'll have to live another day

i stepped over the bridge and walked back to my car. i got in and drove home, still shaking from the adrenaline.

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i got home about 3 hours after i left the first time. i took my guitar in my hands, grabbing a granola bar from my kitchen. i walked upstairs to my room and walked in

someone was standing next to my dresser, holding a photo. they heard me walk in and turned around smiling.

"i love this photo of us, can i have a copy" he said smiling widely.

i dropped my guitar and jumped into the arms of my best friend,
Harry Styles.