Deeper Than Sex

Chapter 6 : The Final Record

  Cotton's eyes shifted to Alex then back to Star. Star to Alex. She knew Alex hit a nerve with her last comment. The fact that it was true made it worse. Star looked as if the wind was knocked out of her. Cotton was nervous that a fight was sure to happen. Star stood and slid her chair back. 

  "Star." Cotton said she walked closer to her.

  "What did you say, Alex?"

  "I didn't stutter, Star."

  "You were supposed to be my friend. This shit with you and Noah should've never happened. I told you how I felt and you got with him anyway."

  "Star, that's not fair." Cotton chimed in. 

  Alex held up her hand to let Cotton know she had it.

  "You want to talk about friendship? Lets do it. How many opportunities have you tried to take away from me? Do I need to remind you of the times you attempted to brighten your light by dimming mine. Me and Noah..." Alex paused. She thought long and hard to when her feelings for Noah began to change. Alex made a choice to stay in denial for fear of hurting Derek.  "By the time you told me about you and Noah, I already had love for him. I tried desperately to fight it. I couldn't. I was already gone. I will never regret choosing him. Not then and damn sure not now. I love you, Star but you're selfish as hell. I'm out." Alex grabbed her keys and turned to Cotton, "Call me before you leave to go back to Cali."

  "Okay."

  Cotton and Star gazed at Alex until she left. Star's eyes filled with tears. She shifted her eyes to Cotton. 

  "Do you agree with Alex?" 

  "Yes but..."

  Star sucked her teeth, "Why are you taking her side?"

  "I'm not taking anyone's side. We both know Alex well enough to know she wouldn't intentionally hurt anyone. Including you. I don't know all the specifics with her and Noah but I know real love when I see it. Alex is in love, Star. There's nothing you can do to change that."

  Star wasn't trying to hear anything Cotton was saying. Cotton could tell the conversation was over.

  "Well, since this clearly isn't going anywhere, I told my mama she'd have a home cooked meal when she got home from work. So, I'm gonna get started on that. You want something to drink?"

  Star shrugged her shoulders, "Sure."

  Cotton poured juice into one of Davis' bottles. She placed it in front of Star. Star looked at her with a look of confusion. 

  "I missed the joke. I don't get it."

  Since you're acting like a baby, I thought I'd treat yo ass like one." 

Alex was tired of playing with Derek's ass. He continued to ignore her text while sending her every call to voicemail. She decided to go back to the hotel. Alex was relieved when she saw Derek's car. She was more than ready to close this chapter of her life. Once and for all. She wasted no time getting to her room. There was no hesitation on her end but she was nervous. Alex knew some hard truths needed to be revealed in order to make a clean break. There would be no stone left unturned. Alex walked in to find Derek coming from the bathroom. He had a towel wrapped around his waist. Water was still dripping from his body.

  "Didn't expect to see you anytime soon?" He said with an attitude.

  "Why is that? I've been calling you. Texting you to no avail. Besides, this is my room. Why wouldn't I be here?"

  "Just thought you'd be with Noah." Derek removed his towel and tossed it on the floor. He waited for Alex's reaction. Alex immediately turned her head. 

  "Really, Derek?"

  "What? It never bothered you before?"

  Alex was getting irritated, "Will you please put some damn clothes on?" Alex was trying to remain cordial. She understood the seriousness of their situation. The last thing she wanted to do was make it more hurtful than it already was. 

  "I'm decent. You can face me now." Before Alex could fully turn around, Derek asked the question that would reveal all hidden truths. "That night you showed up on my porch after you and Noah broke up, you never got over him, did you?"

  "I didn't. I have a strong feeling that you've always known that. After the plane crash, I was in no position to be with you."

  Derek's mind went back to his conversation with Alex before the crash. Not only was there disappointment in her voice but hurt. Derek heard what he wanted to hear. It was an inflation of his ego. The reality of knowing that Noah was an alcoholic and indeed a fuck up, made him feel more worthy of Alex's affection. Even if he knew he'd never have all of her. At that time Alex painted a picture of Noah that wasn't all true. Yes, he battled with alcoholism but his feelings for her never wavered. Alex expressed to Derek that life with him was perfect. Easy. Safe.

  "You're a good man, Derek. We are each other's easiest and safest choice. You intentionally hide behind my success. My name. You've grown comfortable there. I intentionally chose you because I'd never have to wonder about you doing anything out of the ordinary. I've grown comfortable with your habits."

  "So, what you're saying is, I'm boring?"

  "Predictable. There's a difference. In some ways, Noah reminds me of my father and that scares me. He's not my dad though. I wasn't being fair to either of you. I apologize for the role that I played in creating this fallacy. I do love you, Derek but not in a romantic way."

  Derek's mind was in a whirlwind. Alex was holding nothing back. He had never experienced her being so transparent. He had his own issues to work through and wasn't quite ready to be as honest as Alex. It felt better for him to deflect all responsibility her way. 

  "You think life with Noah will be better than life with me?"

  "I don't think. I know. I am completely in love with him. I know this is not what you want to hear but I need you to understand how serious I am about moving on with my life." An alert came to Alex's phone.

  "Just making sure you're straight. I cooked all your favorites... well, I ordered your favorites. I miss you. Hurry and bring yo ass back to me. I love you." Noah's text read. 

  "I'm straight. Everything is good. I'll see you soon. Love you, too." Alex responded. She turned her attention back to Derek. "I'm about to leave. When I get back tomorrow, I'd really appreciate it if you were gone." Alex began to pack some clothes. Derek looked at her. He was heartbroken. Alex was the only other person besides Ms. Ruby and his parents that showed him genuine love. How could he let that go? 

  "Alex, you're going to regret this?"

  Alex stopped before she opened the door. Derek wanted to start an argument but she was so far removed from the situation. When Derek left after Ms. Ruby's death, it gave Alex an opportunity to work on herself. For the first time in years she wasn't dependent on a man to provide emotional stability for her. 

"I promise. I won't. The only thing I regret is, not doing this sooner. Good bye, Derek."

Until next time...