Lethal

Chapter Thirty-Three.

I was filled with shame and dread the next morning when I felt his body under me. The feelings only worsened when I looked at him and the smug look that he wore. As if burned, I quickly removed myself from the bed and began to search for my clothes. I felt so fucking stupid, but after he'd come by my apartment, he was all that I could think about. His words had stayed on my mind and suddenly I was at his place, in his bed while he loved every inch of me. However, the night did nothing more than leave a bitter taste in my mouth as the sun bounced off of the walls in his bedroom. His voice was nothing but a distant murmur as I got dressed, I refused to pay attention to what he was saying; in that moment I only had one goal- to leave.

"Za! I'm talking to you!" Jibri's voice bellowed, much closer to me than I'd anticipated.

I pushed him away from me as I shimmied into my jeans, "This was a mistake." I murmured. "I won't be back."

"So you just came over here to mess with my head?! You're so fucking crazy!" He wiped a hand down his face. "Just talk to me Za, I ain't done shit but be there for you."

My resolve weakened; he was partly right. "You're also the one who said that I'd be dead to you if I left, and I did." I looked around the room for my bag, Jibri spotted it first and grabbed it.

"Stop being a crazy bitch for one second Za, you can't choose when you're going to take me seriously. I said that shit in the heat of the moment." Jibri's words fell on deaf ears while I tried to pry my bag away from him.

He held it over his head, knowing that I wouldn't be able to reach it. "Jibri please, I don't want to be here. I'm ashamed of myself for coming back to you like a stray dog."

"You don't mean that. If you meant it then you wouldn't have come over last night. You love me just as much as I love you." He was getting to me, breaking me down. "Admit that you want to be here Za." Jibri took one step towards me and I took one back, something about the look in his eyes was scaring me.

I jumped for my bag, but he dodged me. "Does it look like I don't mean it?" I mustered up all the courage that I could to stand my ground. "Please Jibri, I don't want to be here."

"Have breakfast and talk to me, then maybe I'll give you your bag back." Jibri said with a dark smirk playing on his lips. "You can do that for me, can't you?"

I was stuck; my phone, keys and purse were in that bag. "I'll talk, but I'm not staying long enough to eat, that's the best I can do."

"You'll stay as long as I want you to stay; I'm the one who has what you need." Jibri guided me out of the room, evidently pleased with himself.

We sat together on the couch in his living room as I allowed him to say whatever it was he thought would change my mind. "Say what you have to say."

"You are the love of my life Zana, that's the main thing that I wanted to say. I've been there with you every step of the way Za, I love you more than anything else in this world." Jibri startled me with how direct he was being. "Remember when you threw that shit at my head when Yanise sent you that old video? I still loved you after that, and when you told me about the way your dad beat you up every day, I just wanted to be that support for you; especially because of how my dad treated my mom." His voice faltered. "We've been through so much in our lives mama, don't take away the one good thing that has ever happened to me."

Rage burned inside of me as he spoke, using my past against me. How could he? "Foster father." I corrected him. "Why would you bring that up?"

"I was only trying to say that you've been through a lot and I want to be there to protect you. And despite what happened to you, you've always been the aggressive one in this relationship, and I still stayed because I love you." Jibri tried to touch me but I dodged him.