Battle Scars | Solangelo Fanfic

3 | Burden

TW: Self-harm, self-hate, offensive slurs, panic attacks 

N I C O

The first thing Nico had noticed when he woke up was the yelling. Someone was screaming orders but Nico's fuzzy mind couldn't process anything at the moment. The sheets called for him once more and this time, he willingly went back. 

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When he woke up the second thing, there was complete silence and Nico wondered what the heck happened during the short time he was asleep. Did the world suddenly descend into chaos? Was Nico dead? Or did everyone get murdered? 

Camp was never quiet and now, it was.

He got up on shaky legs and walked over to the window. Then, he proceeded to whack himself on the head for being an idiot because it was pitch black outside. Nico had slept through the day once again.

What day was it anyway?

Nico had lost track since the first day he came into the infirmary. Will was probably sleeping too but Nico was to wide awake to go back to sleep so he decided to go check. Suddenly he noticed something.

Where was Will?

Will had always been by his side and now the absence of his presence was alarming. It was annoying, being dependent on someone that is. Nico was always an independent kid, he had to be for his parents were not there and his sister died. Who did he have back then? Nico walked toward the doorway, his head still lost in his musings as he detected a light inside on of the rooms in the hallway. 

Nico had thought he was the only one here as he gently eased the door's hinges open. There was a figure in the infirmary bed and with closer inspection, Nico realized that it was Will Solace. 

Will? What was he doing here?   Nico wondered how Will had gotten to this state while he had slumbered. He gently shook Will but Will showed no response and remained motionless on the cot. 

Nico started to panic. 

Oh my god, not Will. No, this COULDN'T be HAPPENING... Nico didn't want to lose Will as well. His hands shook as he slowly hyperventilated. Sweat dripped from his jaw, his eyes teared up, and his heartrate skyrocketed all while Nico stared at Will's still figure. Then, something happened. 

Will groaned and rolled over in the sheets causing Nico to snap out of it. He slowly got up, not even realizing that he had fallen to his knees during the whole ordeal and staggered out the door. Nico went for some backup, and called Kayla, Will's little sister who looked nearly identical to him. Kayla lightly explained to him that Will was just sleeping and there was absolutely nothing wrong. Nico had overreacted and immediately thought the worst. 

Nico was such a burden. 

He was a waste of space, he doesn't deserve to be in the infirmary. He's useless and ugly, Nico knows that he's a lost cause. Who would bother with a fag like him? Will would hate him when he found out and so would everyone else. Nico wishes that he was born the normal way, that he didn't have a Greek god for a father and that he wasn't attracted to black-haired, green eyed boys (that was weirdly kind of his cousin). He wishes that he had a life where he was happy and had friends, family, and laughter. 

But Nico knows that he could never have that since his mother was murdered by Zeus. After that Nico knew that he wouldn't be able to go back, too save his mother and his sister because the world holds a very large grudge against him. 

Nico walks back to his room with his head hung low and his body slumped trying to blend in with the shadows, drowning in an endless ocean of self-hate. 

ಥ_ಥ

He has never thought of cutting. Never thought on how he deserved to have his skin ripped open in agony. There wasn't time or the materials to do so in the first place. Everything was fast-paced and Nico barely had time to rest. There was a first for everything.

He took a silver blade from one of the storage units in the infirmary and shadow-traveled to his cabin. Locking the doors and closing the blinds, Nico went to the bathroom in a solemn manner. Sitting cross-legged in the cold bathtub, he took at the blade and stared at it. He was no stranger to pain, it was a constant visitor in everyday life.  

He deserved this pain anyway. 

Nico took the blade and cut. He cut and cut until his arms were bloody from all the wounds in his forearms. The pain stung but he didn't mind it. All he could feel was the numbness that had encompassed his body since he woke up. Soon the bathtub was filled with his blood and all he could think about was Will Solace.

Why did Nico even care about what Will thinks of him anyway? What made Will so special?

He had no answer, but the warm feeling in his stomach whenever the mention of Will Solace filled his mind. What would Will think when he saw Nico like this? Would he be worried? Sad? Angry? Would he care?