Warning : karakter mereka dibuku ini tidak merefleksikan karakter mereka di dunia nyata.
Tw: suicide, self harm, cutting, abusive relationship
***
Rose pernah bilang bukan? Bahwa Jaehyun adalah mantan 'terindah' yang pernah Rose miliki. Well, this is the story of the perfect match made in heaven Jaehyun and Roseanne.
Dibalik wajahnya yang kalem dan sikapnya yang sopan, laki-laki bermarga Jung itu sebenarya kasar. Awalnya cuman sekedar kata-kata, lama lama ngerembet jadi main fisik.
Anggap Rose bodoh karena baru sadar kalau sebenernya hubungan dia sama Jaehyun selama ini toxic.
Memang benar kata orang, It is hard to admit that you're in a toxic relationship when you are in one.
Jaehyun was her first boyfriend. Jadi Rose pikir hal-hal seperti itu normal dilakukan oleh pasangan. Nyatanya tidak.
Rose pada saat itu sedang dalam kondisi mental terburuknya. Self-harm sudah jadi makanan sehari-hari Rose, beberapa kali juga Rose masuk IGD karena percobaan bunuh diri.
Jaehyun seharusnya menjadi penyemangat Rose. But, Instead of lifting her up, Jaehyun perfectly done the opposite.
Rose itu cemburuan, takut kalau Jaehyun 'kemana- mana' sedangkan Jaehyun bodo amatan.
Ribut.
Jaehyun gak pernah tau apa dampak yang akan dialami Rose setiap mereka ribut. Rose will ended up hurting herself again.
Dan mereka selalu selesaiin masalah mereka dengan sex. Ketahuan sama Jaehyun bekas luka Rose self harm, Jaehyun malah bikin lukanya lebih parah.
It's true. Love can make you heal or make you even worse.
Rose juga sering ngajak Jaehyun putus, diiyain sama Jaehyun.
And at the end of the day they always get back together. Putus udah bukan kata yang tabu lagi di hubungan mereka. Karena mereka pikir separah apapun mereka ribut nanti juga balikan lagi.
But despite how toxic their relationship is, Rose finds Jaehyun is her remedy.
Jaehyun once said, 'it's hard to find someone that is one frequency with you.'
And Rose agrees.
Jaehyun is her 'one frequency'.
Despite how physically and mentally draining Jaehyun is for Rose, Rose still loves Jaehyun no matter what.
Rose loves how the way they're music taste is the same.
Rose loves how they're just on the same page.
Rose loves those deep midnight talks.
Rose loves those drunk late-night strolls.
Rose loves everything about Jaehyun, despite how awful Jaehyun used to treat her.
Jaehyun dan Rose emang paling jago nyimpen rahasia, seperti seberapa kasarnya mereka ke satu sama lain. Sampai kedua orang tua dan teman dekat mereka tidak pernah tahu akan hal itu. Mereka pikir hubungan Jaehyun dan Rose itu sehat. The truth is, it's way far from healthy. Mereka berdua sama-sama sakit. tetapi serapat-rapatnya bangkai ditutupi akan tercium juga.
Puncaknya adalah saat Jaehyun minta putus karena dia bakalan lanjut kuliah di luar negri.
It's unbearable how many scratches and bruises they made on each other.
To the point where Rose believes that one day they probably would kill each other.
Their body and their mind are beyond sick.
After a long and rough night, they finally ended it.
'Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live'
That quote from Norman Cousins perfectly described Rose's feelings after they finally went their separate ways.
Jaehyun brought half of her away with him.
Rose lost half of her when Jahyun left.
Tau tidak rasanya terlalu sering disakiti. Sampai tidak bisa merasakan rasa sakit itu lagi.
She's used to getting hurt.
Because she's been with Jaehyun for so long. Too fucking long until she forgot how to live without him. She forgot how to live without having to deal with such pain.
It's funny how Rose would miss him every time he isn't around, and the feeling of guilt every time they're together.
Rose knows, No matter how much she wants to be with him. They knew right from the start that they shouldn't have been together.
Jaehyun 🖤
This might sound really stupid|
But I miss you|
|God, r u drunk?
|I know you don't really miss me, Roseanne
|You only miss the good memories.
|but I do miss you too. (Deleted)
****
Hufft~
KAMU SEDANG MEMBACA
Sugarplum Elegy | Rose ft. Christian Yu
Fanfiction[ 𝐟𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐂𝐡𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐘𝐮 ] "We keep dancing around the innocent truth that we're just out of time" Written in bahasa and english. @𝘭𝘶𝘪𝘰𝘰𝘥𝘻, 2019.
