Summary:
I couldn't bare the thought of knowing he were with anyone else, or that someone else could feel this way because of him.
"I mean it Jimin, I love you."
"I know hyung," he said, kissing my cheek repeatedly and wrapping his arms around my neck.
He wasn't getting me.
—
Yoongi POV
Godamn it Yoongi.. Why did you have to get attached? Why did you have to fall for him?
I sat there against the couch, in the darkness of the empty living room in my own thoughts. I'd fallen too far already for this man, and for what? To be almost certainly rejected? To be told 'it will never last' or 'we can't really be together'? Would it be worth the heartache? I almost certainly knew the answer to that seeing as I hadn't even told him how I felt yet..
How I wanted to claim him as mine. How I wanted to kiss him every moment of every day. When we fall asleep, and as soon as we woke up. When he would accomplish something or needed support...I wanted to be that person in his life.
That being said I also wanted to be the man who's name he'd call out in pleasure as I fucked him senseless and made sweet, sweaty and eager love to him, as we did almost every night. Each night sweeter than the last...Each night drawing him closer became second nature.
We'd just sort of let things happen over the last month and before we knew it, this 'thing' we had going-whatever it was-had become a nightly routine. Every night, Jimin would wait until just past midnight when the last of the group had settled into bed before he came and snuck into my room and we'd fuck each other until we couldn't move, spending the moments after holding each other until morning. Every. Night.
It wasn't always just sex. Some nights were more about being with each other than others. If he just needed to be held. Or cuddled, I was more than willing to do that for him if it meant being with him in some way. And I wouldn't admit it to anyone, but I also needed those moments...
Why do you do this to yourself?
I had a very honest answer to that question...honestly, it's because I can't help but want him. All of him. In every way of the word. I've fallen for him, and we'd passively tell one another we loved each other during sex and I think we both just let it slide as if it were nothing, having been in the moment..but I truly meant it and wish he knew it.
~
I continue to bask in my swirling mind before I look over at the clock. Why am I still in the living room? It's getting close to midnight and Jimin will surely be headed to my room soon. I turn my head to look down the empty hallway as I ponder my thoughts. And yet, for some reason I cannot move from this spot.
I swear talking to myself does me no good. It only makes things worse, and I continue to do it to myself...
I guess I hadn't realized the next 15 minutes fly by as I continued to beat myself up mentally, as I heard a door click open and a beam of light shine through down the pitch black hallway as I immediately spun my head towards the sudden source of light. There he was.. Walking straight towards me. God the time slowed down when he walked towards me...I noticed every little thing I'd always known I'd loved about him as he made his way towards the couch. His glistening milky white skin. His perfectly tight and slender frame. His impossibly perfect bone structure. The way his soft blonde locks bounced as he walked towards me. His soft, plump pink lips that had a slight pout happening... God how I couldn't wait to kiss them. The perplexed look on his face as he wondered why I was here instead of my room.. Oh shit. I'm not in my room..
