Living A Lie- 19 Years (Drarry)

Prologue

Everyday. Everyday for the past nineteen years. Everyday for the past nineteen years he tells himself he loves Ginny, he tells himself his boy crush was only a phase. Everyday for the past nineteen years, he knows that's not true.

He is gay. Harry Potter is gay. The Boy Who Lived, The Chosen One, The Saviour of The Wizarding World is gay. But The Boy Who Lived, The Chosen One, The Saviour Of The Wizarding World... Harry Potter, cannot be gay. To the Weasley's, being gay is a crime, he can't lose his family over something he can repress.

Charlie Weasley came out to Harry Potter and Hermione Granger. When asked why he can't tell his family, it's because half of them won't accept him. They wouldn't. They won't. Only Percy, Bill and George. That means Ronald Weasley wouldn't accept him, his best friend for ever (yes that sounds cheesy, but it is true) would despise him and the very air he would breathe. All the hairs on his head to the micro bits of dirt scraping the bottom of his shoes.

So Harry Potter does the same. He wakes up next a girl he doesn't love. Tells her 'I love you' praying for one day it to be true, it never is.

However, he has two children. He has two children who he loves and adores and would do anything for, he can't leave their mother. A divorce now would break them. James is going into his third year- the year he begins to prepare for O.W.L.s, Albus has just started school and would definitely need support.

He is stuck in a loveless cycle he can't break. The only way for that to break is him, or Ginny, being unfaithful. Harry can't do that, Harry can't do that to anyone no matter what. It may sound wrong, but he wants Ginny to be unfaithful, he wants Ginny to cheat. It is horrible. It is eating him up inside, it's making him believe his very morals are being destroyed every time he says those three little words that mean so much, but not in the way you would expect for Harry.

I Love You. Three words, small, eight letters mean so, so, so much to him. They embody all of the self-loathing, the hatred, the heavy heart he possesses every time those three words slip off his tounge. Maybe one day those words will mean what they're meant to. No, no they wouldn't with Ginny. On the contrary, he is optimistic, he sees the glass half full. He has hope, not much left after nineteen years, but he still has hope.

I Love You. If only he could say that to someone he actually wants to be with. Say it to someone he actually loves, not pretends to for the sake of others. He can say it openly and be himself. Like that would ever happen.

In Harry's lifetime, he has had one male crush. He looks at males and finds them attractive, he has done ever since first year, but the Dursley's also drilled into him that being gay is wrong. The only male crush he has ever had is the one person he shouldn't. Draco Lucius Malfoy.

It all started in sixth year. Once he fired that spell- 'sectumsempra'- he instantly regretted it. Seeing Draco Malfoy lying in a pool of his own blood. Seeing Draco Malfoy so lifeless, but so willing to die because he didn't cry when the spell hit him, he whispered once, but accepted it. "No-no, what- I- I didn't." Is what he cried collapsing next to Malfoy's body. He remembers so clearly, he can recall buring his face in Malfoy's shirt, crying and screaming into it. Not that he cared for the blood he was getting on his clothing or in his hair, or on his face. That night, he could have finished Malfoy off. Thank god for Severus Snape. Without Snape, Malfoy would be dead.

But no. He must never act of these feelings. If he acts on these feelings, he will loose his family. He will loose his two kids. And for what? For a person who would never love him back?

Everyday. Everyday for the past nineteen years. Everyday for the past nineteen years he tells himself he can't act on his feelings. He is gay, he's accepted that since his fathers been in Azkaban. Relieved, Narcissa accepts him. She said she always knew it, that everytime he would rant about 'Harry bloody Potter', 'The Golden Boy', 'Saint Potter', he always slipped up. Only ever around his mother. He would say 'with those stupid green eyes', 'that birds nest he calls hair', 'his glasses that make the green more unbearable'. His mother knew they were compliments.

Once him and Astoria produced an heir they divorced. The only reason they married was because Lucius wanted an heir after Draco passed. Greengrass' wanted their youngest girl to have a child too. Thereofe, they married, had an heir then split apart. The thing he didn't count on was Astoria moving countries leaving Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy to him. Not that he minded much. Draco loves Scorpius with all his heart, he would do anything for the boy.

There's no mistake about it. Draco Lucius Malfoy has been love sick over Harry James Potter ever since fourth year. That thin line between love and hate was crossed the moment Potter was swatted by the Hungarian Horntail's tail. Draco was on the edge of his seat, he wanted to shout and cheer for Harry, praise him, hug him and hold him when he finished the task.

Alas, his feelings had to be destroyed. The third task solidified the fact he could never tell Potter his feelings. The Dark Lord had returned, he believed Potter 100%. Meaning he be forced into a life he doesn't want.

That manor had never been a home. The only room he enjoyed wasn't even a room. It was the roof, because he could look at the stars. Looking at the sky at night, he felt free and like he could be himself. Until second year, he would go up there with Dobby every night and talk. His father would never check up there, he was safe up there.

Fifth year changed everything. He Who Must Not Be Named practically lived in Malfoy Manor. Draco would stay in his room, get Dolly (a house elf he trusted as much as Dobby) to bring him food and Dolly would apparate him to the roof where they would talk for hours until it got too late.

Never in a million years would Harry Potter be with Draco Malfoy. Harry Potter was in love with Ginerva Weasley, She-weasel, Weaselette. He stopped calling her those names after sixth year.

Back to the point, Potter is happy with Ginerva. Potter has a perfect life. He has two amazing, perfect children, a happy marriage and a cushy job. Let alone the fact that Potter wouldn't be with a man, he wouldn't be with a Death Eater full stop.

Why would Draco put himself up to more humiliation? He has been through enough scandals and downgrading and doesn't want that to rebound onto his son if The Prophet knew he was a 'faggot', he was gay, he was a 'poof'. Why throw his medeocorly happy life away for Potter? It's not like Potter cared for him, he made that clear in sixth year.

No, Draco Lucius Malfoy has Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy. His son is the only happiness he has left, his son is the world to him. He won't come out as gay because he knows his son will get the repercussions.