Chapter 1
"I think we should get a divorce Simon, goddamnit!" Agatha shrieked through tears, her knuckles white from gripping the counter.
"Why, Aggie? What happened?"
"Nothing! That's the matter - nothing ever happened! I don't feel anything with you. I don't think I ever have. The truth is, I honestly don't think I've ever loved you - can we please keep it down?"
Simon stood there. He held his head down and couldn't bring himself to respond. He was angry, really angry. But he couldn't bring himself to blow up at her, even then. He loved her.
"Fine." He whispered, the last of the red slipping from his face.
"I'm sorry Simon. But I'm leaving for America on Friday. You'll be taking Cherry, I assume?"
"What? Y- You don't want her?" he laughed tightly, the anger rising again, "But she's great! She got a sticker for her cow drawing last week! How could you do that? Leave your only kid? How could you want that?"
"Darling-"
"You can't call me that anymore."
"Simon. I can't take care of her in America - and look at you! You love her, you'll take care of her so well, especially with Penny around!"
"Penny?"
"She's coming back from America - bad timing really - she and her boyfriend broke up and she wants to see London, and you, again."
"Christ-"
"Simon! Merlin, you swear like a child!"
"Sorry."
"It's okay,"
"Go pack then. I'll tuck Cherry in."
Agatha shuffled on her feet,
"I was wondering, could I send her to sleep. One last time?"
He was so close to saying yes, that look in her eyes, it was a look she'd given him all their marriage.
Which meant it meant nothing.
"No. I should."
"Wha- Fine. Fine. I'll go pack."
Agatha pushed past her future ex husband, making him stumble back a few steps. How could she? She was leaving him? Her husband since they left boarding school. And now she was just high tailing it to America with her artisan salads and yoga groups. She was leaving her only child. The anger that had become familiar to him that even rose up again.
He began to see himself getting paler in the knife on his discarded dinner plate. Dread flooded him, he couldn't be doing this again. He tried to calm the anger but he could. He felt his throat get tight as his hearing was drowned out to nothing but a ringing. His stomach felt empty and he wanted badly to be sick. He stumbled over to the sofa. Last time this had happened he'd hurt his head badly - someone had been rude to Cherry. It was disgusting. They were 3 years older than her and everything. Brutes.
Ever since he was a kid and they'd sent him to the boarding school, whenever he got really angry like now he just passed out. Weird stuff happened when he passed out. He hated passing out, but once he had, it didn't feel like much. He could barely hear the slow rumbles of drawers being opened upstairs as he slumped into the sofa.
Quick. Blackness. Nothing.
•••
As Simon woke up, he looked around him. His mind felt foggy. The throw they'd had been given by Agatha's father at their wedding was singed and the room smelt smoky. It reminded him of the smoky bacon crisps they served in the homes he'd lived in before getting that scholarship to Watford.
Disgusting
He'd never been very picky with food but that-
That was what was wrong with the earth. He got up from his seat. He looked over at the counter. It was a small yellow sticky note, the edges were crumpled. It had been used before, even Simon could guess that from the rubber marks on the paper.
I'm gone now. I hope you'll be alright when you wake up Si. I'm sorry.
Aggie
He read it quickly, and threw it in the bin even quicker. He rubbed his head slowly before walking up to Cherry's room.
Six years ago, on the 29th of June 2020 Cherry Nessa Wellbelove-Snow was born. They called her a late birthday present.. Simon has been called infertile, and unlikely to ever have kids. Apparently it was some sort of side effect of the passing out thing. He'd felt awful for ages, Aggie tried to hide how hurt she was, but he could tell. They knew a woman who didn't want the child but would be happy to give it to them. It was so amazing, not even having to go through an agency, having a child finally.
Cherry had been a miracle. She was 6 years old now. She'd been a blessing every day since her birth. She was kind and sweet and genuinely loved life and life seemed to love her back. Simon himself had seen her fall from great heights such as the swings and make it out alive with not even a graze on her knees. He still felt a pang of worry every time he saw her fall over she always came out fine.
Bloody magic.
His and Agatha's own room was at the end of the hall. Could he call it that anymore? He didn't want to. His room was at the end of the hall. Cherry's room was in the middle of the hall. He stopped outside before knocking,
"Dadda?"
"Can I come in there, blossom?"
A small noise of approval came from inside the room, it sounded slightly like sob - and it tugged at his heart. He pushed open the door.
The room was full to the brim with stuff. She cleaned it every couple of days but it was just full of clutter. Books for absolutely everything. Honestly, Penny would love it. He'd missed Penny. She was great. They'd probably reconnect over being thrown away by their lovers - Agatha was probably getting it off with Micah in secret. Probably not. She wasn't talkative about that sort of stuff. Neither was he. They still spoke, so it was weird she hadn't told him. Proved his point, most likely.
"You alright?" He asked her, sitting down at the end of her bed, holding her hand.
"Awful." She was straight to the point at least.
"Same. I'm sorry."
"She's the one leaving without me. She won't say why she's going though." Cherry frowned.
"I- I don't really understand either." Simon said, rubbing circles into her palm.
"Did I do something?"
"No, no. Don't think like that, Blossom." He soothed.
"You okay Dad?"
"No. But I've got you, haven't I? What matters most is how well we walk through the fire, that's the phrase right?"
"Yup." She smiled, but he could see the red splotches on her forehead. She'd been crying. "Natasha Pitch said it."
He had no idea how he'd had such a smart kid. It was a joke that Penny had influenced her far too much on her occasional visits.
"Something like that."
"So it's just us now? I can deal with that - will I still see her sometimes?"
He pulled her up into a hug, "I assume so, I did my thing and she left before we could."
"She said so. I love you dad."
"Aw, I love you too Cherry."
She slipped out of the hug and slipped back into her bed. She looked up at him with puppy eyes as she sneakily turned on her nightlight.
"No-"
"Please Dad, you haven't read to me in agesss!"
"Fine. The usual?"
"Of course."
Simon pulled the book out from her bookshelves and flipped to the page they'd left off from a few weeks ago.
"The importance of psychology for medicine is being increasingly recognised and psychological topics are now included in most medical curricula..."
