The red zone

The birth of the persona

" What kind of a person do you think I am?" He replied, "You are a badass, a mother fucker". I laughed in shock and say " Nah...I am actually sweet and sensitive". He replied " You don't look like it" I agreed and say " I know. I feel like people misunderstand me". That's where it all started.

                             ..........

They say that childhood shapes you into what you are when growing up, and I partly agree with it. Reflecting on my whole life since my childhood years I can recall, they have shaped me into the woman I am today. " Mam" She smiled at me. " You have been standing in front of my desk for too long, are you here for an appointment or want to book an appointment with Mr Mbeki?" "Uhm...well..." I give out a fainted smile "Ah...I... want to book an appointment." I straightened my posture and smiled concealing my fading confidence. "Okay. Let me take your details. Mr Mbeki is a very busy psychologist. " "Here's a form, please_fill_it_in and bring it back to me alright?" I nodded and took the form.

She is so sweet, speaks in a slow nice manner, her English is well spoken, she's beautiful, I bet she's married or happily in love with her lover, a woman like her deserves the best; her teeth are so white. "Mam." "Huh?" "Here's a pen". She looks at me and hands out the pen while her gaze moves shortly from the pen to the form, indicating to me that I must fill in the form. "Thanks". I smile and walk away from the desk to the chair, by the corner of the wall, I snuggle myself on the chair hiding away from people, well I am sort of hiding from someone, Lucy, she referred me here a year ago, so it's embarrassing for me to be spotted here by her after she gave me this card a year ago, hell no I can't be seen by her here. Let me fill this out quickly so I can leave. " Neptune....Bama, 22, female, African, South African, Student...." "Excuse me, u vanga huwa, hi zama ku fokhasa laniwani." " uhm, sorry." Damn I was saying all that aloud, I thought I was saying it to myself (I roll my eyes). Done, let me take this back. "Wowww!" "Ka sesi." She gives me a vexed look, my presence and lack of containing my expressions to myself are vexing her "Sorry again" I get up and head to the receptionist's desk. " What a man!" The receptionist smiles " Mr Mbeki, he is really handsome, sadly he's taken." Disappointed by the breaking news "Really?" She takes the form " Yes, he has settled for this coloured lady, engaged for a month now, not officially but engaged." She says it without pausing for air. I should befriend her if this is going to be my daily bread. "Lucky her." "Indeed, who wouldn't want that." She glances at his movement as he strides to the office with admirable assertiveness. " Yah..." " Is it all? I am rushing to go somewhere else." I smile impatiently. " Oh yes, I will call to confirm the dates of the appointments and ways of payment. " way of what!!!! what the hell on earth is happening, money for what? I thought it is free. Lucy, Lucy, Lucy. Uhm...let me be calm "Uhuh sure. I will hear from you." I smile, and she smiles " Thank you" I smile and leave.

I can't afford that, I will act like it wasn't me who filled out the appointment form when they call. But....maybe it's affordable, if it is, I will try it out, phela I am not sure about this psychic thing. I feel a hard bump into my shoulder, and I groan feeling some pain on my shoulder "shit!!", "Uhm...sorry mam, I didn't mean to hurt you, are you hurt?" This nigga just asked me if I am okay, how am I okay when it feels like a wall made of steel just came my way and deliberately hit my f***ing shoulder. "Uhm...I am good." "You sure?" I am not okay! " Yeah, I am good" I pull my best-practised happy smile. He looks at me with his beautiful clear black eyes, wait, I think they are dark brown, wow! Are they black or brown, I think it's both. Man, with his gaze he can gape into my soul and I would love it here, actually, I love this moment excluding the hurting part, I just want him to care for me and love me. What! Neptune Bama wake up, what love? Nigga is a stranger here, hello. " I am glad. I am sorry again" He leaves. What just happened, why are you leaving me, I am lonely. I wish...I think I should head to Shoprite pick some few stuff and forget about this tall mesmerizing man who I only remember his eyes and his musky pleasant voice. His voice...is something that is from Neptune, so well designed, not deep nor small but it soothes my broken heart and pierces into my shattered soul. This walk was short, I think it's Mr Handsome.