The red zone

Confession

I feel a brush of hand on my face. I jerk myself up, "What the fuck!" I turn and meet Lavi's eyes. He bursts into a laugh, "So priceless" he adds.
I calm myself position myself and lean against the wall. I forgot that I had company. Did I kick in my sleep? The bed isn't big enough for two, a chubby me and a lean but masculine man.
"It was nice sleeping next to you, so warm" He breaks my trail of thought and leans in for a kiss. Morning kiss, ugh! I tightly close my eyes. He places a tiny kiss on my lips, "Not a morning kiss person?" Still close to my face.
"Not really, you reek of alcohol" I try to sound as polite as possible.
"If I brush my teeth, will I get my morning kiss?" He smiles, he seems to be enjoying this. I nod earnestly. "Give me a mouthwash or a toothbrush if you have extra" He gets off the bed.
"I have an extra. I bought a bunch when they were on sale, I hope it's the type you like" I get up and go to my toiletry storage box to look for a toothbrush.
"I have a suggestion" He pauses and frowns his eyebrows a bit, "Let's brush our teeth, take a bath and grab breakfast. " He glances at me.
"Teeth, bath, talk then breakfast" I give him a new toothbrush.
"Talk over breakfast maybe, I am hungry. I think Spur Farmhouse breakfast is what we need for the serious talk we are about to have" He opens the bathroom door.

I look at him, surprised by his comfort in my tiny room. At least my simple bathroom is always tidy. Not his luxurious tiled bathroom. But he must do with what he gets.

"Okay, okay...But what are you going to wear, Your clothes are damp and probably smelly by now" I run the shower water so that the water becomes colder. "Warning, there's no hot water, just cold water sometimes lukewarm if it's noon, You know we rely on Mother Nature's SUN for the heating system" I add as I start brushing my teeth.
"It's okay, as long I get to wash my body. As for the clothes part, I do have some clothes..." He gets in the shower and starts washing his body right away.

I look at it with my toothbrush stuck in my mouth. Wait...how? Well, I guess having a car comes with those packs of having extras in your car. "Okay. Let me go get them while you bathe" I offer a helping hand. "No biggie, I got this. Do you have a robe? Towel maybe? " He turns off the water.
"No, I don't. I ain't fancy like you. Use my bathing cloth to dry yourself" I finish brushing my teeth.

He leaves the shower dripping with water. Seriously, this guy is making my space all wet. I look at him annoyingly and he smirks. He leans in, grabs my waist, he passionately kisses me. I guess I can't complain now. I follow his lead. His hands run underneath my nightdress. I pull back, "Let me bath", I murmur still mesmerised by his kiss. He slowly moves his hands up between my thighs, " It's been a minute. I miss it" His voice gets deeper, " but I will respect your wish" He places another kiss. He gapes into my eyes. His eyes look different, they are sparkling. What is this feeling? I am charmed, he has cast a spell over me. I want to stay in his arms forever. He frees my lips and his lips contort into a smug grin. I wonder what is he thinking. "Let me bathe" I part my body from him. I get in the shower. Fudge! What is this fuzzy feeling in my stomach it makes me giddy and my heart likes it. I tear a small smile and wash my face.

*****

He chews the bite of the pork sausage he had sliced. I look at him as silently eat this and that with a beaming face. It makes me happy to see him this way, not the red-eyed zombie I saw yesterday. I bite my toasted bread. Maybe it's time to start that talk again.
"Okay," he takes a sip, "I am just hungry but I haven't forgotten the main thing" He puts the coffee on the saucer. "Give me your hand? " He offers his on the table.
"Why? " I ask surprisingly. This is too romantic. It feels like a movie scene.
"Please..." He gives me puppy eyes. Okay, I can't resist it. I place my hand on his. My eyes look around just to see if anyone sees us. At least it is still morning before 09:00, so there's no traffic yet.
"I..." He hesitates, "I love you Bama" He places his other hand on my hand. I look at him blankly. I look at his hand, and he releases my hand. I slurp my milkshake quietly.
"It's okay, you can think about it for a while, I know it's sudden, unexpected of me after what I have pulled on you" He looks at his plate and immediately starts eating his food. "This is why I apologised, I wanted to explain..."
"Lavi..." I interject and he raises his head to look at me, " I do too" I slurp my milkshake and say nothing after.
"Bama, you don't have..."
"But I do" I put the milkshake glass on the table and move it in a circular motion. " I have always had, just never accepted since you are engaged" I explain, " I feel awful for feeling that way but I do" I lower my voice.
" I want you to love me freely, walk with me everywhere without hiding. This is why, I choose to be with you instead. It doesn't make sense to be with a person when you always thinking of the other. Honestly, our relationship was already sour when I met you. I thought a ring could rekindle the fire from years ago. We evolved and became persons who were no longer compatible. I couldn't be enough for her anymore, nor was she. We are both to blame, lack of communication resulted in the end of us, so much for a psychologist." He pauses, " I know after all of this, you may wonder if I am worthy to be yours, I want to earn it and be better. Our encounter is not the best romantic tale to tell but it doesn't matter if we both want each other. I love you and I am willing to..."

"Lavi, I get it. But why did you disappear when you felt this strongly towards me?" I look at him. I hope he keeps it short, he is such a storyteller.
"So...I had to take care of my ex-fiancee. She miscarried our baby after breaking the engagement. It was my duty" He looks at the empty cup.

Fudge! This was too deep, How did entangle myself in this predicament? He must feel bad. I don't know how to feel. I am happy that he loves me but awful that I am slightly responsible for their breakup. I am officially a home wrecker. Neptune, you are such a bad girl, homewrecker!

"You must feel bad. I am sorry " I try to console him.
"It's all my fault" He replenishes his empty cup.
"Don't be too hard on yourself" I look at him. I try to smile.
"With you, I forgot all the worries in the world" A small smile forms.
"Oh my, aren't I special" I wink. He chuckles a bit. "With time we will iron everything out. But let us enjoy this breakfast" I suggest.
"Yeah..." he goes back to his food.

I guess the question is finally answered. He loves me. The road to the exploration of our love is unclear, surely it won't be easy. But I am willing to take a leap of faith just like he has. I do too Lavi.