The red zone

The birth of the persona: Torres

"What a lovely morning!" I stretch my arms. No weird dreams today, no knocks. I had a peaceful night. It's now 11:00. Mr Handsome did make my night. What's for breakfast, I mean brunch. Uhm...bread, eggs and coffee; let's make this. I switch my speaker and play love me better with You by Lauv. "I love me better when I am with you" No, no, let me change it and look for some dancing songs, I am in a good mood today. Motivation baby! I don't know the lyrics but I am going to dance and sing along to it. Let me do some twerking. The girl is happy people. Uhuh, no one is going to ruin my day or slap you hard. I don't need mood killers. I open the door and gaze outside. Damn, it's hot. Let me go back inside, my room is so much better than this heat. Let me do my eggs so I can eat, I am super hungry. I drink water and beat the eggs together. I fry the eggs while boiling water for coffee, dish them up and sit on the bed. I know you are wondering why coffee on hot a day because I am addicted to it (not literally). I indulge myself in my so common brunch dish. My phone rings. Wow! Here goes my happiness. I reluctantly pick it up. "Hello" "Hello. Am I talking to Miss Bama?" "Yes" I hope this is great news and not those Foschini group people, they are always calling me to subscribe to their stupid stuff, they are so annoying. "I am Pemla from Dr Mbeki's..." I cut in "The psychologist" " Yes mam, I am glad you remember. I promised to call you about appointment dates." "Yah" "When do you think you can start coming so we can reserve a space for you? And also the space you choose now, you will always use for your monthly consultation. Do you understand Miss Bama?" "Uhm yes. Uhm but is it possible to try out the service before I commit myself to it?" " oh yes, it is possible but not advisable. Most of the time when people have their first session with Mr Mbeki, they don't want to turn back. He is the best psychologist in town." I don't care "Okay." "Yes, mam. So when can I reserve space for you?" "Before I do that, can I ask about the payment methods or ways?" "Yes, you can." " How much is each session?" " Depends...."On?" "Hours." "How much is  the session for an hour?" "R500." "Session?" "R500" " Okay." This will milk me dry. " Are you comfortable with everything mam?" "Yes" I am, but disappointed. I don't know how I will pull that through right now. "When should I reserve the space?" " Tomorrow, 15:00" "Okay. Tomorrow, 15:00. So every 18th of every month at 15:00, you will be able to consult Mr Mbeki unless it's an emergency." " I am just trying out the service mam" "Yes, but I will just punch it in the system like this because I know you will be pleased and you will want to come back." Is she serious, what if what I need to talk about is not major, and one session does it all, she's so persistent?"Okay." " Can I confirm your details please?" "Yes" " Miss Bama N,  0793047329, Univen student, female, 22 years old, I.d number 98********083, South African, African, single marital status, No kid, resides in Ngovhela, Marude, P.O Box 5562, Giyani, 0826; is it all correct?"  This is taking forever. "Yes, mam" " Thank you, mam, see you tomorrow and have a splendid day." "Thank you, same to you." I am going to have a wonderful day after this call, I shove the bread into my mouth and drink my now cold coffee in stress. I am left with R400, how am I going to survive the rest of the month with nothing.?I can't call home, I don't want to bother them at home and I don't want to explain myself. Right now, I need an extra R100 to add to my R400 so that I go and try this out. I have been procrastinating enough. I feel the need to, although my mind always begs me out of it. I need to do this, the sooner the better, prevention is better than cure. I get up and put my dirty dish and coffee mug on the tray then stare at the wall with my hands on my waist. You know that a person is stressed or in deep thought if they do this posture or hold their head or put their palm by the cheek; at least that's what I have been told. African knowledge automatically gets instilled in you even when you try so hard to reject it. Oh Lord Father please, please, I am humbly asking for interference in this matter, I can't pull it off alone, I need you. I bet you are listening (I frown). I walk to the bathroom. Oh, I forgot my phone and speaker. A girl needs loud music to wash away this stress. I pick my phone up, connect to the speaker; and play my playlist. Yes girl, let's wash this stress away. I get into the bathroom, throw my nighties on the ground, get into the shower and start showering with cold water. I know it's cold but it setting some nice feeling on my body, it is relaxing my nerves. " My oh my, oh my " singing with a high note and happily. "You said mmh mmh , my oh my, my mother doesn't trust him. My oh my". Camila Cobello has a good voice and so far I don't think she has produced a bad song. I get out of the shower. Now I am dancing my sorrow away. I need to get in the relaxation zone, talking about feelings so I can have a conversation with me about one. So I can be relaxed. I change my playlist into the relaxation zone playlist. I dance slowly to the beats, wipe myself. "What to wear, what to wear?" Let's be simple. I pull out my oversized jeans from my portable wardrobe shelf, going in hand with my big black t-shirt written f*** it!. I dress up. I am not combing my hair today. I pull sneakers under the bed  "Uhuh" . "I hate wearing secret socks. Let me see, if those ones I wore yesterday are dirty and smelly in my laundry basket" I look at them, then sniff them "Not bad" I wear them, then put on my sneakers. Girl is good to go. No lipsticks, just a lip balm. Maybe shades will do, to make me look out of place(A smirk appears on my face). I take my oldish, black faded cap, and slide it in my big backpack. Today I am going to be simple and comfortable as much as I can. Damn, I am feeling good. I feel like climbing Kilimanjaro right now. My mood has been lifted up "uh yeah, let me do this thing". I make a small prayer and leave my room. The sun is hot, I have been reprimanded not to complain about the weather, but this beef is on another level, Sun are we fighting, why did I do to you to burn me like this, please forgive me, if I ever wronged you (I wipe my nose with my t-shirt). It's going to be a long sunny day. I can't believe it's 12:00 and the sun is up like this. A notification appears on my phone, I open it. The text reads: "Where are you guys?", I type "On my way, I am passing main admin building", another text gets in, "hurry we are waiting for you". I log out of whatsapp, change my song into a faster one. In order to walk in a higher pace, I need a fast beat. Some people are very punctual. Oh there they are under that big tree sitting on the bench. I tried to walk as fast as I can. With the sun, I am now dripping with sweat. I should have wore my cap, maybe the heat would have been better, I will wear it when I leave the group meeting. "Hi guys" catching my breath and sitting down on the bench too "hello". "You are late again" with a vexed tone "I am not the only one. We are still waiting for the rest to arrive. We are only three and waiting for the other three to arrive. So relax. We still got time" I look at the time on my phone, 12:07. "I have a meeting at 12:30" she says bluntly, "We can't start a meeting when the rest of the group members aren't here" I bluntly point her argument and fuss is unnecessary. "You guys are always late" they both point out with an angry tone, I just looked at them, take out my lemon water and drink it without saying a word. I am not in a mood to argue with this two. "Let's look at the questions in the meantime while we wait for them" they look at me blankly without blinking, "You know question 3, I really don't understand it. I read it thrice but I still don't understand what I am required to write, Do you guys have a clue? " "So you didn't do a research?" She gives me a vexed look. This lady today is going to kill me. "I did...." She pouts and look away, I am in trouble. But how do you search for things you don't understand, aren't you going to search for irrelevant information? Let me hope this little information I have, gets me out of trouble or else I am a dead person. Oh finally, the royalty arrives. "You are late again. Hayi man zwia bora mah. You guys ni dzula no lenga tshifhinga tshothe. Nne ndi na group meeting nga 12:30, and I can't afford not to attend the meeting. We better make it quick". What was she saying, I heard the first and the last part, Tshivhenda tshia konda, that's what I am able to say up to today ( I smile to myself). " Sorry mah, ndo fareha. Ndo siyiwa nga bizi, so I had to wait for a taxi and transport is scarce in my area you know." He says humbly, "Ndi thaidzo yanga uri ene ndo siyiwa nga bizi? you should have been punctual; or ri postpone the meeting" She says confidently. "No way man, I only came for this meeting, I don't have classes today" He complains,"Yah, me too" the other two agree with the guy, and I just keep quiet as I listen to them scratching each other like cats. Now it's 12:19, time is getting wasted. You know when you get to university you think people act maturely, and that's where we lose it, they are a lot of childish people, egocentric people, and they can be very unreasonable in order to get things their way. Everything that teachers tell you in high school, they lied, it's an illusion. I would personally not advice people to view university like that, university is an upgraded prison of primary and secondary education. People in varsity act like kids fighting for a candy. So much unreasonable and questionable things that happen and you ask yourself that, is this the person they know at home. In university you see people's true beings, and you also get to see that, just because a person is in varsity doesn't mean they are not struggling or are passing; same thing with people who live in Gauteng, it doesn't mean that their lives is totally different from ours here in northern parts of South Africa, or are living the fancy lives in suburbs, majority are living in squatter camps with high risks of sleeping without food, or getting robbed by criminals because it's a dog eat dog out there. "Guys" They look at me, "We should let Zwothe go. We will update what happened in the group, but we can't postpone the meeting, we have been doing that since last week. Now it's 12:25, we haven't started anything. Let's start working. At 15:00 I have a class I  need to attend. Please guys let's stop fighting and focus on the reason why we came here", They agree. Zwothe leaves and we start working on our assignment.