Maybe A Little

Its the Little Things

He looked at me with sad, bloodshot eyes. I couldve reached out, and pulled him close, and just let himcry onmy shoulder. I couldve hugged him, told it was okay. But i didnt. I wanted to hear what he had to say. I wanted to hear what he thought, withot the tabloids, without the interviews, without our friends. Without any distractions. Just talking one on one, honestly, from the heart.

"im not good enough. for anything, for anyone." there was silence. "im  not good enough to be in the band. im not good enough for you. ill never be good enough. How am i supposed to be as good as the other boys? how am i supposed to be a good enough boyfriend for you? I go to signings and concerts all the time. thats my job... and i love my job. But at every concert and signing, im told that im ugly or insignificant or  a bad singer. Everyone gets bullied. Everyone gets told at some point that theyre not good enough. But i get told every day. and not only do i get told everyday, but i am told by the people that matter most to me! the fans, who are supposed to love me and support me. No one knows how that feels! People try to act like they know how i feel! but they dont!" his voice was louder now, almost as if he was shouting across the house. It hurt to hear him say that. It hurt that he thought like that, and it took everything i had not to burst into tears and fling my arms around him. He didnt need to be comforted. He needed someone to listen.

"but you...." his voice lowered to a whisper. "you made me feel important. like you needed me."

i got up and sat next to him.  i do Niall. i do." he smiled.

"its just so much easier to believe that im not good enough..... thats what ive been told by everyone." a tear slid down his cheek. even though he was drunk, he was being honest. i guess thats whats good about having serious conversations with drunk people. they dont have enough good judgement to hold anything in. i sighed.

"El.... did you mean it when you said you dont remember anything?" he buried his face in the pillow. "Niall... i remember everything. I remember the way you laugh when i say something stupid even though its not funny. i remember how you bite your lip when youre writing a song.... how happy you are when youre playing your guitar. when you sing, the notes flow so easily.... the way you tap your pencil when youre concentrating.... the way laugh at everything when youre nervous." once i started talking, i couldnt stop. "I remember the little glint in your eyes when you tell jokes. i remember how one trip to Nandos can solve every problem. I remember our first date, watching the sunset.... the way you hold my hand when youre bored.." he glanced up at me. "and i cant forget how much i love you." I didnt have to say any more. It was just enough. i let my words float out into the silence, just before Niall kissed me. His lips tasted like beer and maybe just a hint of salt. And then we just sat, our hands intertwined, waiting for the morning to come.

Nialls P.O.V.

"And i cant forget how much i love you." hearing her say that made me forget everything. it made me forget about the fight, and the bar,and the tears.Those ninewords meant the world to me. She had listened, when no one else would. She didnt try and tell me it was going to be okay. Se didnt turn it into something big and dramatic. She kept it simple. Short and sweet, yet honest and heartfelt. I felt wanted. Needed, even. I couldnt help but notice the pain in her eyes, the regret, as she talked about all the little things. I let everything go and i kissed her. It was kind off like a new begining. I could feel the alcohol wearing off as we sat with her hand in mine. It was perfect. It was right, even though my head was pounding. She leaned in and put her head on my shoulder, reminding me of how much i missed that, how much i had wanted to just be with her for the past few weeks. And i was happy. For once, i was happy. And i wasnt about to let anyone ruin that.