The Only

Whims of Fate

You're probably wondering what was going on through my mind during the ride to the Karaoke House. Well, that's too bad, because you're not getting anything out of me. I refuse to talk about it in critical detail. Maybe, I'll let you know some things. Nevertheless, let's get these few topics straight: the handholding, the frowning, the vulnerability, and the dependency upon one of my best friends is now pushed to the farthest corner of my mind.

That's a promise.

It's an hour and a half later, and I'm still baffled at the fact that Bogum convinced me well enough to board the bus in the first place. Like, on what world—and, in what life—would I ever agree to something that someone else insists on? It's apparent that it's this one. The 'old' me would never. I did my own thing, make my own decisions, and venture on my own freewill. I do cling onto that lifestyle, as that is the way I always was, but it's clear that certain people are diverting me towards different, and more adventurous directions.

I'm impressed that my best friends from the past—carried into the present—have managed to do an excellent job of persuading a tedious, single-minded person such as myself.

It's a little frightening; this power that they have.

Even now, whilst viewing a catastrophe morph into another catastrophe, what stuns me the most is the idea that I agreed upon joining Bogum and Joohyun at the Karaoke House. It's an absolute mayhem in here! I come along, and for what—to simply douse myself in an overly congested environment whilst listening to lousy singers that'll only dwindle my hearing?

How do two people manage to shift my mindset so easily?

Making matters more of a shock to the core, it was another huge fear of mine; to ride in a bus that forever ruined my entire life. In the summer, while I was still in a state of sorrow and gravitated towards lonesomeness, I vowed that I wouldn't take another trip in one those things ever again. Could you blame me? It infinitely scarred me, both literally and figuratively speaking. Every time I heard or saw a bus, it triggers the trauma to return in mere flash-like episodes in my brain, replaying in a repetitive sequence. The tragedy is an unforgettable nightmare, and I couldn't help but believe that if I stepped foot inside another bus, the same result would undoubtably happen, again.

Then, it hits me.

Almost two hours ago, I faced that fear head-on with the help of Bogum, and most of all—Joohyun. It seemed to have happened so fast that I could hardly remember anything else other than Joohyun's words of solace. Due to these recent events, it may just be that this sudden change I've been so hopeful for may already be in the works. This calls for internal celebration!

I do have one teensy regret. Scratch that: it's much more than that. Preferably, it's the way I was acting on the ride over. Now, I said that I wasn't going to dive into this, and I'm not! I just have to say it—my words and my actions were unlike me, and it was rather abnormal behavior. It throws me in a spiral of disbelief. I'd love to believe that the pathetic events of the short fifteen-minute journey to the Karaoke House never happened. In fact, I'd like to get that memory erased from not only Joohyun's mind, but my own.

In my head, I can already see future-Joohyun endlessly teasing me about it. It's just a knack that I have for hypothesizing undoubtable fates. It's evident that I cringe at the thought of shakily gripping her hands like a two-year-old crybaby who had an encounter with the boogeyman mere moments prior. Don't get me started on how many times I jolted in my seat or how I would often compliment her for helping—

Let's stop right there. Oh, I might vomit just by bringing it to the surface, again. Have your laughs. Rub my wimpy behavior in my face. Done? Great. It must no longer be spoken about, got it?