The Only

A White Night

"Did you make it glaringly obvious that you were jealous?" Bogum asks.

Whenever my emotions become a concern like this, I was never too keen about the implications. Either that, or I didn't want to face the truth.

Nevertheless, I stand with my beliefs and say, "Jealousy is a strong word. I'm not too sure what I was feeling earlier."

"Then? What do you think it was?"

That's a great fucking question, so I purse my lips in thought. Being stuck at a crosswalk offers me enough time to ponder, decipher, and rationalize. As the streetlight changes from a blurring red to a bright green, car engines sputter, rumble, and groan. They whip by, some quicker than others. I train my visage upon the wispy clouds in the dark sky, streaks of moonlight shining through the cracks. I find myself getting lost in the night's view, because before I knew it, Bogum nudged my arm, signaling me it's time to cross, and so we did.

Once we reach the other side safely, I say, "I think I was just surprised to see them talking like they were friends." Then, I shove my hands into my pockets, shrugging. "She had always talked about how irritating he was, you know?"

"Yeah, tell me about it," he agrees. "From what you've told me, it seems like a pretty big switch up."

"You think he's pulling some kind of calculated act?" I did consider this. I mean, for a while now, he had made several advances towards Joohyun. He's failed time-and-time again. Hell, she didn't even like holding conversations with the dude. Now, according to her, his personality's done a 180. I swear, there's something fishy about it.

"What do you mean?" He lifts an eyebrow at me. "You think he's faking his whole personality to reel her in?"

"I don't know, man." I really don't—I'm just trying to make sense of the change. "I'm not trying to offend your cousin or anything. I only worry if he's planning something behind the scenes."

"To be honest? I wouldn't be surprised if he was."

I look over to see if the look on his face matched the seriousness in his tone. It did.

"Seojoon has been attracted to Joohyun for a while now," he begins. "As you know, Joohyun is different. She's not like one of his many fangirls who enjoys begging for his attention. She's not easily swayed either. Because I knew her the best and wanted to help him out, I've told him this. But he never understood that the overbearing, flirtatious approach wasn't it—that it wouldn't reach her like it would for every other girl he went out with."

"Have you ever had any doubts that he was serious about her?"

"Of course. The dude's half-jock, half-model, so girls were hanging off his arm everywhere he went." He lets out a short laugh. "Besides, she's my best friend. Although I know he's not a malicious guy, I was still protective of her."

"Right."

"But to see him retain my words and change his demeanor says a lot."

It means he's serious—serious about Joohyun and getting to know her. Maybe he's been serious all along. Perhaps this time, he's determined to change her mind. Thinking about it causes that weird twinge to return. It twists in my chest, making everything feel so wrong.

Before I could pay more attention to the insufferable feeling, Bogum and I reach our destination; the plaza. He stops in his tracks, right in front of the wishing fountain, and places a hand on my shoulder. "Don't let your thoughts get the best of you. I can see it in your eyes—it worries you, doesn't it?"

The eyes don't lie. "I can't deny that."

"I don't mean to burden you, but feelings do affect perceptions." He smiles a little in reassurance, and I listen, since he's more experienced than me. He's technically a relationship therapist. "Months ago, you probably thought a friendship transpiring between Joohyun and Seojoon was impossible—that them being together was hilarious. But now that something's changed within you, the same idea instills a different emotion. Seeing them act like friends makes you believe he has the chance to intervene, to ruin. It's okay to feel these sort of things."