Stormpilot one shots

then again, if we're not friends

A/N - whew, this one is all about the jealousy. i know where 16-year-old me's head was at. also im pretty sure this was inspired by an ed sheeran song, hence the lyric for the title. also i just want you guys to know i see all your comments and they're so sweet, thank you so much! i'm gonna try and reply to some of them when i can! anyway i'm back with another old, and as yet unseen, fic to help us through the lockdown! enjoy!

Poe distanced himself from Finn. It wasn't because he did anything wrong, precisely the opposite in fact. Finn did everything right. He was so perfect it hurt, so perfect that Poe's heart skipped a beat every time he so much as glanced his way.

And Poe left, because he couldn't stand to be so close to him and yet feel so far from everything he wanted, everything he felt he needed.

It had burned inside him, slow and steady, consuming every inch of his heart slowly but surely, as Finn slowly took over his mind, body and soul. Before he knew it he could hardly hear a word Finn said without wishing that the next words to fall from his lips would be a tender confession of his love for Poe. That was when Poe realised it had to stop. Poe had to stop himself, before he dragged himself, and Finn, into something that would end in the two of them getting hurt.

So Poe stepped back. He slowly cut Finn out of his life, attempting to carve him out of his heart as he went. He began by sitting further from him at lunch, then helping him find his own quarters to stay in, as opposed to bunking down with Poe like he had been for the past few months since his recovery. Soon enough Poe hardly spoke to Finn at all, as he arranged his work pattern to clash almost perfectly with Finn's breaks, so one of them was almost always working, or too exhausted to bother making conversation with anyone after long, arduous hours of relentless training.

Poe thought he would feel more relieved. He thought it would be like a weight lifted from his shoulders, or a chain unshackled from around his ankles. Unfortunately, it was something much different, like a fresh weight was added every time Poe caught the hurt look in Finn's eyes that he so desperately tried to disguise when Poe sat at the other end of the table or announced his new quarters or looked the other way when their eyes met in the hallway, ignoring Finn's smile. It was though his burden had increased as Finn's disappointment at Poe's obvious coldness towards him.

Poe knew that this separation was of his own making, and surely now he should be able to live with the consequences, but Poe hadn't planned for Finn's reaction to everything, just assuming that he would take it in his stride. Evidently not.

Thankfully though, Finn didn't question Poe, eventually giving up on attempts to start conversations after a few weeks, finally seeming to accept that Poe wasn't going to reply. After a couple of months, they didn't interact at all aside from cursory glances as they both made their way around base.

Poe misses the contact. He misses being the subject of Finn's smile, and it makes him ache when that glowing grin is directed at someone else, as though something deep in his heart is breaking because someone else is the object of Finn's attention now, and he has nobody to blame but himself, because let's face it he's the one that pushed him away.

But they're not friends anymore. They're not friends, so Poe can't do a single thing to try and stop Finn from flirting shyly with men and women alike around the base. He can't do a thing to warn him about their predatory smiles as they take in his muscular build and blinding smile. He can't say a word, because they aren't friends, and they're nowhere close to being a couple, so he has no business interfering, no matter how much he wants to.

You did this. He scolds himself. You chose this, and now you'll live with it.

And so he does live with it, watching as Finn falls in love slowly but surely with a man called Peter, an infantry soldier with a serial reputation for drawing in beautiful men and getting rid of them once he'd had his fun. Poe could do nothing but watch as Finn was drawn in like a moth to a flame with smooth words and stolen smiles, until he was trapped in Peter's sticky web. Poe watched Finn swoon over him, and he saw the aftermath when Finn realised he'd been used. And there was nothing Poe could do to stop any of it. Because they weren't even friends anymore, so it's not like he could advise him, or help him, or comfort him, or hold him in his arms and tell him it would all be okay, that Peter was a dick.