caller • mattia polibio

041.

Mattia sat crossed-legged opposite to Claudia.
He gave himself a minute to compose his words and feelings and pushed down his nerves. There was no time like the present, the boy had be holding it in for a while and it wasn't even a bad thing! What girl wouldn't want to hear that they're loved? It was every girls' dream to have that perfect, caring boyfriend.

"I've come to the realisation of something, Claudia we've spent a while together now, getting to know each other, becoming apart of each others' daily routines, my bed feels lonely without you latched to me like a sloth, car journeys are boring without your input of singing. You've become that person I first check for on my phone, the person I see in my future. You're beautiful, inside and out, and I want to remind you that for the rest of my days. What I've come to realise is that I love you Claudia. I haven't felt anything like this before and I don't want to have to find it again, I guess this is me committing to you not for a temporary time, but until one day I can get on my knee and give you a ring to seal it."

His hands enveloped her small ones, acrylics slightly digging into his palms, but he didn't care. Claudia saw his face, it was eager with anticipation, waiting for an answer: an answer she couldn't give. The girl was deeply conflicted. Claudia didn't know what love was, this was her first relationship, how was she supposed to respond? She knew she deeply felt something for Mattia, but what? The thought had never come across her mind before, love, all she knew it's not a word you just threw around. She could tell that Mattia meant what he said, and she believed him, it made her heart swell with admiration but guilt. Did she love him back?

"Look Tia, you're the most amazing person I know, and please don't take this the wrong way.." Already the smile had sank from his tanned face. "But you're my first boyfriend, my first date, fuck, my first many of things, but I don't know what love is! Do I love you? Possibly, but I can't just decide that on the spot! I'm sorry Mattia, I know it's not the answer you want to hear, but I just need time.. I know I feel something towards you, I wouldn't be here if I didn't, but I just need to figure it out."

The heart Mattia held on his sleeve was crushed, it took a lot of courage to tell her how he felt, but he couldn't force the girl to love him. To hold back tears, he nibbled at the side of his cheeks, wandering his eyes around the room; unable to face her. He didn't know what this meant now, he didn't know if they would continue anymore, he just didn't know. Claudia didn't know either, she never had to deal with a situation like this before, she also never had to handle someone's feelings. Guilt thread through her feelings but she had to get an understanding of what she felt first.

A tear passed along the girl's cheek, she didn't want him to be hurt, Mattia was the one that kept her chin up for the past few months. On the other hand? Claudia had probably just trampled all over his feelings and heart without a care in the world, that's what it felt like anyways. With little noise, she removed herself off the bed and grabbed a few things, still Mattia had not glanced in her direction. Not all of her belongings were taken, she didn't want to mark this as over, but it was uncertain.

"You mean a lot to me Mattia, you always will. I know I've hurt you. We'll both need time and if we're meant to be, we'll come back to each other."

The night had ended in tragedy and heartache.