Cutters Life

Things Are Changing

Raylies POV

They let me out of the hospital two days ago. They assigned this person to come twice a week to 'check up' on me and she comes tomorrow for the first time.

Ryan and me have been growing closer each day well I know it's only been two months but whatever! I go back to school next Monday so I get a week off and I'm just absolutely dreading it!

There is something that's been bothering Ryan but he just won't tell me and its making me think he doesn't like me!

'Cause he doesn't you pathetic girl' -ana

"Oh shut up bitch!" I yelled furiously at my bedroom door, every time Ryan is at school I just loose it all the memories that I forget come flooding back to me and I just sob and since Ryan doesn't like that I cut I do it all my legs since I deserve it!

I get off my bed and go into the bathroom and start the freezing water since that helps you loose weight I take off my clothes and look in the mirror at my horrific image

I have fresh cuts on every available space on my legs
Scars everywhere on my body
A few burn marks in my stomach

I pinch my side and still have fat I scrunch up my nose in disgust I decide to finally weigh myself
I go over to my scale my goal is 63.5 because that's the perfect size

I step on the scale and watch with a terrified expression at the numbers rise all the way to 73.6

'Still fat like always!'-ana

'I know' -me

'Well KNOW BETTER really? I mean it's only like 11:30 and you have already had a waffle, a sucker, and a piece on cookie cake
Do you even WANT to be skinny?'-ana

'YES I do it's just to hard!'-me

'Well I hope you remember those words when your in your grave dying of OBESITY!' -ana

I loose t at that and get in the now full tub shivering at the coldness I just tune it out by blaring music into my ears I lay farther in it and close my eyes I set the timer on my phone for 1 hour and that with be -500 calories.

I tune out everything even my own heart beat just imagining a different time when I was little with my parents

Flashback

"Mommy look I picked you a flower ain't it pretty?" I asked my mom holding up a smelly yellow flower

"Oh my! why its almost as pretty as you!" my mom said pinching my baby fat that I had yet to loose

"Pshh I think it's as pretty as me!" my dad exclaimed as he held the flower beside his face

"Daddy!" I yelled laughing

"Dad no, just no" I turned around to find my sister behind me

"SISSY! your home, can we play? pleaseee?" I asked her doing my best puppy dog face

"I don't know, I am very busy." she said tapping a finger on her chin

"I'll give you a hug and kiss?" I asked bribing her with cuteness

"Oh yes now it's the best deal EVER!"

My parents chuckled behind me
When all of a sudden we heard a giant thunder roll
And rain started pouring

My whole family looked at each other and screamed

"HOT CO-CO TIME!" we all screamed then ran inside me completely forgot mine and my sisters deal that day

End Of Flashback

I let out a tear just remembering the old times is the worst punishment

I heard a loud beeping noise and noticed it was my alarm sighing I let the water out and got out dried off and changed into sweats and a red v-neck

I snuggled into my huge comforter and moments after I was engulfed my darkness and fell into a peaceful sleep one that I hadn't had in a while

'Well maybe things are changing.'

I thought as I fell asleep