A Leaders Struggle (SuLay)

I'll be your wings

I stood in a empty room, it was dark and cold. "is anyone there?" i called out, but got no reply other than my own words echoing back at me. "please, anyone" i pleaded, a small terrified whimper leaving my mouth.

"Suho" someone suddenly screamed my name.

I spun around trying to see where the person who was calling out for me was, but it was just to dark.

"Suho" the voice screamed again, sounding more crazed this time, and i finally recognized the voice.

"Lay" i called out, "Lay, i'm here, where are you?" i screamed feeling panic rise in my chest.

"Suho, hel-..." but his voice was broken off by a strangled scream.

Horror seized me, making my blood go cold "No, Lay" i screamed but got no reply "Lay" i screamed again, but again silence answered.

I dropped to my knees and began to sob.

"Lay" i screamed siting up in bed abruptly breathing heavily.

I threw back my covers and rushed out of my room, down the hall 'he has to be in bed, it was just a dream, he's fine" i assured myself panicking as i threw open the door to lays room.

Lays covered form still lay in bed his chest rising and falling slowly "he's fine, he's safe' i breathed in relief and sagged against the wall at the end of his bed. It had been a week since i had really seen Lay, when we had practice's and events i kept my distance and pretty much ignored him, and the rest of the time i kept to myself, locked away in my room or walking around the streets of Seoul aimlessly till i knew everyone would be asleep. I just couldn't be around him, to have someone in front of you that you loved so much and knowing that you cant really love them the way they deserved.

And Lay did deserve better than me, he deserved to be with a person he could love without limits, someone he could go out on a date with and have people say "oh how cute" or "they look great together" and i know that would never happen with us. Lay deserved the moon and the stars that surrounded it, but i couldn't give that to him, so i pulled away, it would be easier this way

"I don't think there has been a day this week that he hasn't cried himself to sleep" D.O. says suddenly starling me and making me jump.

I opened my mouth but nothing came out... honestly what could i say? i know i hurt lay, but i really had no excuse for it. I sighed and hung my head "is he taking care of himself at least? like is he eating?"

D.O. sighed taking in an almost frustrated breath "Kai and i have been taking care of him, but in reality your absence from everything but mandatory practices and appearances isn't helping"

I nod, i figured this much, but it was just to hard being around him after what happened... i think knowing that he loves me too makes everything that much worse.

"Can i ask you a question?" D.O. asks suddenly "and get an honest answer"

I take in a deep breath "i'll try my best" i answer feeling apprehensive over what he is about to ask me.

"Why do this to yourself? I mean its obvious you love him, and he loves you... so what's the problem?" he asks slowly, like he wants every word to sink into my brain.

I sigh again "it's different for me D.O., i'm the leader, i'm the one everyone looks at when things aren't perfect, I'm the one who is responsible to take care of not only your lives but your careers, a lot of shit falls on my shoulders, and if i get caught with Lay i could ruin all of your lives... Exo is to important to me to damage it in any way"