A Leaders Struggle (SuLay)

Back to normal?

In the weeks that followed life moved on similar to how it was before Lay and i had confessed to one another. I made my appearances at dinners and group events making sure not to ignore Lay which in one breath was hard because being that close to him and trying to act like nothing was wrong was painful and exhausting, but at the same time i had missed Lay, and it did kind of feel nice to be beside him.

One day all of Exo was sitting around in the living room, watching Baekhyun and Chen have an argument over the importance of eyeliner. Honestly those two always argued over the weirdest things, and it was always entertaining to watch.

Suddenly the couch dipped down next to me and i looked over to find a smiling Lay, those dimples got me every time... 'how can you have this effect on me?' i ask myself as my breath quickens and my heart hums like it always did when he smiled at me like that, i swallowed roughly and turned my attention back to ChenBeak.

I felt something touch my shoulder and noticed that Lay had placed his head on it. I bit my lip but push down the feelings trying my best to focus on anything but Lay's head on my shoulder.

My eyes connected with Tao's for a second, before he sighed heavily and looked away causing me to briefly wonder what was wrong with him, his mood just seems off lately. I found D.O. next and he gave me a small sympathetic smile, then whispered something to Kai who looked over at me and nodded.

"Hey Lay, do you want to help me out with a dance move i've been struggling on?" Kai ask's over the loud bickering of ChenBeak.

Lay smiles brightly and jumps off the couch leaving my shoulder cold and wanting.

"Can I come too hyungs?" Sehun asks bouncing on the balls of his feet.

Lay laughs and hooks his arm through Sehuns pulling him down the hall.

I smile lightly at Kai as he passes me heading after the boys, he gives me a small assuring squeeze on the shoulder, giving me a glimmer of strength.

D.O. comes over to sit beside me "you doing ok?" and i just nod in response causing him to sigh exasperated "how long are you going to be able to keep this up?" he asks "i mean this isn't going to end well for anyone, so why let this keep going?"

"What do you want me to do D.O.? This is the only way to make sure he stays safe and happy" i say feeling helpless.

"But at what cost is this to your happiness Suho?" he asks truly sounding concerned.

"He has a point Su, seriously if you want to be with him, then just be with him, it's not exactly a difficult concept" Xuimin says from the next couch and i realize that i had become the center of attention, even Chen and Baekhyun are listening intently.

'Of course... now you guys listen' I say scoffing at them in my head.

"It's not that easy guys, you know how hard i have to fight the managers to lay off of you guys" i say motioning to D.O., Chanyeol, and Baekhyun.

"You mean you stand up for us?" D.O. asks sounding confused.

"Well i mean there are things i have no control over, especially when you guys go a little to far, but there are some times when you are innocently touching each other in public, where i have to tell the managers that it's just friendly and the fans need a little skin-ship... I don't want that for Lay, where we can't even hug each other in public without judgment and warnings... He deserves better" i look up to meet Beakhyun's eyes.

"Okay, I'm going to send some honesty your way Su... it's hard, it really is, and truthfully there are days when I'm forced to stay away from Yollie all day, and i feel like we will never be able to actually be together..." He stops talking for a second and smiles at Chanyeol "but then there are moments when I'm wrapped up in his arms at night or he places a small kiss on my lips that makes it all worth it, because i know that's where i belong." Chanyeol walks over to Baekhyun and sits behind him wrapping his arms around his waist "i love Chanyeol so much, that it doesn't matter if i only have seconds or hours with him, knowing that he is mine, and i am his makes everything worth while" Baekhyun turns around and kisses Chanyeol on the lips showing the depth of the love these two share.