You Promised

Untold Ideologies

~Analisa~

Gabriel is different. Angelo is different. Everything is different. I think everyone is expecting me to be able to adjust to life and move on peacefully. Sometimes we all make expectations that cannot be met. 

For example, saying that you plan on losing weight for the coming year and by February you find yourself in a pool of guilt after eating cake and ice cream. 

Or thinking that you'll save enough money for that amazing trip you want to go on but then you end up spending your money on eating out. 

Life is unexpected. I didn't realize how complicated things were when I was younger and watched all the violence occur in front of me. Somehow, after it was all over I was hit with a wave of emotions but then the second wave of void. 

I think I would rather be far far away from here. Start over, be a normal teenager. However, the fear of something happening to me because I was related to Gabriel and my father, it would be the last thing I want or need right now. 

Sometimes, I feel as though, Gabriel is truly trying his best to hold everything together but the only way he can do that is by acknowledging that things will never be the same. He is a gang leader, what is normal about that?

I'm scared for Angelo, I feel like he has been through a lot and because of that, he may feel as though he can handle gang-related shit. 

I can't explain my thoughts on this but it's late. 

I lean over and look at my phone and check the time.

1:18 am.

I throw my legs over the bed and touch the floor. The cold temperature of the hardwood floor shoots straight up into my body from my toes. I walk to my bathroom and look in the mirror. My eyes have large dark bags under them. I take my hair out of its large bun and let the curls fall into my face. 

I took my shaky hands and used them to turn the faucets and stared at the water for a minute. I scooped up some water into my hands and splashed it onto my face. I dried my face with a small towel and walked out into my room. 

I walked across the hall to Angel's room and softly knocked on the door. He didn't answer so I assumed he was already in a deep slumber. 

I was about to open the door when I heard another door open. I froze with fear. I looked to where the noise was coming from and saw Gabriel coming out of his room slowly rubbing his eyes. 

"Hey, Ana.." He said in a raspy voice.

"What do you want, where are you going?" I asked defensively.

"I-I was just going to get some water, I apologize if I scared you.." He said with his hands up. 

I nodded and looked away from him.

"Sorry for assuming," I said.

"Is everything okay?" 

"Don't overstep your boundaries, Gabriel." 

"We used to be so close, w-why not now?

~Angelo~

I woke up when I heard some commotion outside. I opened the door and say Ana standing outside my room and Gabriel across the hall trying to reason with her, quietly. 

I grabbed her arm and looked her in the eyes in a way that said, "don't worry, I got you." 

She nodded and walked into my room and I stepped out to look at Gabriel. 

He looked at me and then looked down.

"Hey, it'll be okay at some point," I said quietly.

"Yeah, I have faith, I just wish I was better, then maybe she could...open up a little bit. I can't understand how to help if she can't open up to me," He said as he started to choke up.

I looked into my room and saw Ana starting to get comfortable in my bed. I quietly closed my door and walked into the hallway. 

I stared into the eyes of my older brother, who was supposed to be my role model since my dad didn't do a good job of doing that. I felt my heart rate increase with fear but I tried to take a deep breath and relax. 

Trying to convince myself, "this is your brother, he only wants to protect you not hurt you." 

"It's okay, It's going to be difficult for us all for a while. eventually, we will all learn how to understand eachother..take care of yourself in the meantime, okay?" I said as calmly as I could.

He simply nodded and headed downstairs. 

I turned back and began to walk into my room when I heard a quiet sob. I looked in my room quickly, assuming it was Ana but she was sleeping. I looked over the railing of our stairs and saw Gabriel sitting on the couch with his head in his hands. 

Did I feel bad? Yes and no. 

There isn't much I can do for him, I don't know how to approach anything anymore. 

It's confusing

I quietly walked back into my room and closed the door and laid in bed next to Ana and pulled the covers over us both. I kissed her forehead and turned the opposite way to sleep. 

Maybe there's more I can do. 

More that we all can do.

But for now, I have no idea where we should go from here.