If You Would Only Believe

A New Father?

 When we finally got to the house I ran inside ahead of Adam. "They're coming!" I said. "Emily is very sick, I don't know what to do." Aunt Sandy put a hand on my shoulder and gave it a squeeze. "We'll take care of her. The police can learn about this tomorrow. Right now the priority is Emily." She said. I nodded. Adam came in carrying Emily. He look timidly up at Aunt Sandy. "Please help." He whispered. Aunt Sandy smiled kindly at Adam took Emily from him. "Kenny, go to the guest room and put some clean towels from the cabinet on the bed."

 I hurried to do as I was told and ignored the fact that Aunt Sandy had called me Kenny. Adam looked exhausted as I passed him on the way to the linen closet. "Sit in the living room. I'll be there in a second." I whispered to him. Adam nodded and walked to the living room. By the time I got the towels in the room Emily was in the bed. Aunt Sandy had a bowl of warm water and she was gently washing the cut finger. I looked at the hand but then quickly turned my head. The cut did look infected. "Is there anything I can do?" I asked Aunt Sandy. "Stay with Adam." Aunt Sandy said. "Abe can help me. And pray, McKenna." I stopped and looked at Aunt Sandy. "Pray? I don't think I believe in God." I said curtly. "You should start." Aunt Sandy said with a sharp look at me. "Why do you think you're miserable, McKenna? Why are you still agonizing over the fact that your parents are gone?

Why did you run to the woods instead of facing your troubles? You're empty, McKenna. I know we haven't been the best guardians for you but you can have a Father. A real one."

 I didn't stop to ask what Aunt Sandy meant. I turned away and walked to the living room. Adam was sitting on the couch. He stared at the blank TV screen but looked up when I sat down next to him on the couch. "She's being taken care of. Everything will be all right." I said. "What can I do, McKenna? I'm the reason Emily is as sick as she is. You were right. Running away from my troubles is not the way to solve them and now I'm probably worse off than before." He said in a dejectedtone. I started to reply but the words got stuck in my throat. I suddenly realized something. Everything seemed so plain now. I wondered why I didn't see it before. "I'll be back." I said to Adam.

 I ran outside to the back porch. I looked up at the stars and the moon. Once again the tears poured down my cheeks but this time I knew why. I'm empty. I thought to myself. Everyone was so right. I have drowned myself in self pity and I've made myself miserable. I've despised the love that my guardians tried to give me. I've hurt the people that actually do love me. Aunt Sandy said I could have a father. What did she mean by that? I looked down at my tear stained hands and folded them. "God, I've never prayed before so this seems kind of awkward for me. Please, heal Emily and make it so Adam and Emily can stay together and not have to go back to their parents." I took another deep breath before continuing. Oddly enough, I didn't feel as if I was talking to myself but as if someone was actually right there listening. It wasn't a creepy thought, it was a comforting one. "I know you're there. I do believe in God and I don't want to be empty like Aunt Sandy said. If there's someway for me to be something other than miserable, help me to find that way." I didn't know what to say after a prayer so I said nothing and just kept my hands folded for a few minutes. After that I went back to the living room.

 "Are you ok?" Adam asked me as I sat back down on the couch. "I thought I would be crying more than you." "I'll be all right." I said. "Adam, have you ever prayed?" Adam made a half-smile, half-sad look when he replied. "Yes, I haven't done it in quite awhile though. Maybe I ought to explain some things to you." He said. "I'm listening." I said. "My parents weren't always abusive. In fact, Dad was actually really hard working at a point. Things were great. We weren't real religious or anything. We only went to church on Christmas and Easter. I really don't remember much of it. Emily hadn't been born yet. When I turned six years old everything changed. Dad lost his job, the bank foreclosed on our house, and Mom got cancer. The operation that she had wiped out the rest of the family savings. I had a christian teacher at school in the fourth grade and that's where I learned about God. I forgot about Him though, especially when things got worse at home. Dad took to drinking right before Emily was born. At first he didn't drink much but then he started coming home late at night, drunk. Mom and Dad fought a lot and these arguments left me scared and confused. I was mad at God for everything that had happened and became even more angry when Dad started to beat up on me. At first it wasn't too bad but then it got worse. Emily soon became subjected to it and one night I got into a fight with Dad after he hit her. Dad shoved me and I fell back and cut my leg badly." "But I thought you cut your leg on barbed wire." I said. Adam shook his head. "No, I did get caught on the wire while running away but that's not how I got the cut in the first place. After Dad left I grabbed my backpack and filled it with things I thought I would need. Then I ran away. I was extremely concerned about Emily because I had a good idea what was going on." Adam explained. "Wow." I said to myself. "And I thought I had it hard. Why would God allow all that to happen?" "I don't know." Adam said. "But getting mad at Him doesn't help either." I nodded. I had so many questions that needed answers and I felt as if I needed them at that second. "Tell Aunt Sandy I'll be at Mrs. Lane's." I said.