AJR-Panic Attacks

Adam- 1 (Pre-Show)

Adams POV

Soundcheck, done. VIP, done. Got ready for the show, done. But I'm so nervous. This is the first time we've played any of our new songs. I should be the one that's helping Jack and Ryan cause I know they are more nervous then me. But I can't help it. One of our new songs has a really hard bass line solo that I have to do and it's freaking me out. I was fine when Ryan showed it to me and I could play it great then, but now it's months later and I don't really remember it. I mean I've practiced it all day, but I haven't gotten through it without messing it up. I don't want to disappoint the fans, but I also don't want to disappoint Ryan and Jack. Ryan specifically spent months trying to figure out which notes would sound best, but he can't play the bass, so he didn't know how hard it was. He said I can do it, but I don't know if I can. I hear our opener is just finished his set, so we were on in about 30 minutes. I start getting really nervous. I can't fully breathe, my heart is beating a million miles a minute, and I'm starting to hyperventilate. I run to the bathroom and sit down on the floor in a stall. I sit down with my knees up and I rest my elbows on my knees, holding my head with my hands. I hear commotion outside the bathroom but I choose to ignore it. I can't breathe, and I start crying. I fold my arms over my knees and bury my head in my arms. I hear JJ enter the bathroom, and sees me from the other side of the stall door.
"Adam?" JJ asks. "You ok?" I tried to be quiet when he came in, but my breathing wouldn't allow that. "Hold on, let me get Jack and Ryan." JJ says. I had no other option. I didn't want to tell the guys, but I know they were gonna care. I hear JJ calling for Ryan, and then I hear Ryan on the other side of the stall door.
"Hey Adam, you ok?" Ryan asks. I let myself cry, letting him know I wasn't ok.
"Hey, what's wrong?" Ryan asks in a gentle, caring voice. Somewhat unlike him, but he is the person that is really good at calming everyone else down.
"Adam, can you unlock the door?" Ryan asks. I shakily reach up and unlock the door, letting Ryan into the stall. He crouched down to my level and rests a hand on my shoulder.
"What's wrong?" He asks me again. I can't give him an answer, I just keep crying.
"You nervous for the show?" He asks. I nod back. I continue hyperventilating for a minute until Ryan calms me down. I don't know how he did it but he did.
"I-I'm sorry." I say, finally looking up at him. Ryans expression made me feel so comfortable but so guilty all at the same time.
"Why are you sorry?" He asks.
"I can't do it." I say, relatively quietly.
"What are you talking about Adam." He says. "The show?" I nod.
"I-I can't do the bass line. I-I just can't."
"Yes you can Adam. You can play bass better then anyone I know. I know you can do it. We can take it out of the set list if you want, but I know you can do it. You've done it a million times."
"Yeah but not today! I haven't been able to do it since you gave it to me and that was months ago!"
"Adam, I know you. And I know you can do this. I believe in you. You need to believe in yourself. I hear Rob calling for 10 minutes until show time. Do you think you can do it? If not I'll tell everyone to take it out. It's your choice." Ryan says. I was silent for a moment, until I make my decision.
"We'll keep it in." I say.
"Yes! Good choice Adam, I know you'll do great. And, if you don't, you know our fans won't care. They are the sweetest people ever, you know this." I nod.
"Ready for the show?" Ryan asks. I nod again.
"As ready as I'll ever be I guess."
"Alright. Let me help you stand up." Ryan says, standing up, and reaching his hands out for me to grab. I grab them and stand up, and he pulls me into an unexpected, but expected hug. Ryan hugs are always great.
"You can do it Adam. I know you can." He says. I nod and pull away.
"You ready?" He asks. I nod again. "Alright, showtime."
"Thank you Ry." I say. It takes Ryan off guard.
"Anytime." He replies.
We went through the show, and I did my bass solo perfectly and everyone was cheering. It was a great moment. Why was I so nervous? I'm glad everyone liked the song. It makes me so happy.