AJR-Panic Attacks

Ryan- 14 (Everything)

RYANS POV

My day has been horrible. I was working on a song earlier, but I got writers block and I felt discouraged and just annoyed at myself. I gave up a bit ago, and I'm currently sitting on my bed looking at my phone. Suddenly my phone glitches and crashes the app I was in, then dies.

Today is not my day.

I reach over to my nightstand to grab my charger, but realize I left the charger in the living room. With a heavy sigh, I stand up and make my way to the living room, plugging in my phone and waiting for it to boot up again.
I start trying to tidy up the place a bit, putting the pillows back on the couch and folding up a couple of the blankets.
Once I started folding everything, I get lost in my thoughts.
So here I stand. Left in my head.

This isn't gonna be good...

Remember that time in elementary school when you.... in middle school you said this horrible thing; remember how the kid in the red sweater vest reacted.... was it a year ago now you said that stupid.... last tuesday you could not stop thinking about.... remember how you suck at writing.... just think of all the people that despise you..... no it was two years ago because last year....

My brain could not stop. The thoughts just kept coming. Going against itself. Against me.

Just because they said they like you doesn't mean.... how stupid were you to mess up the science fair....

"You're so stupid. Everyone hates you."

*ding!*

'Why were you so moody today?' The text reads. It's from my mom, who probably means well, but doesn't realize her parents said that to me in a yelling fight we had two years ago.
For some reason, that's what did it. That's what made me snap. Sending me overboard.

Everyone hates you and this confirms it.

Everything you tried to tell yourself that what they said wasn't true just disappeared.

I didn't realize it, but because of the comment, I started shaking and panting.

Noooo. Not another one....

I start shaking, trying to keep my feet planted on the floor to snap me out of it.

Just breathe. Before you pass out. Before you lose control. Just breathe.

If only it were that easy.

I continue panting like crazy, my breathing getting quicker every breath.

"Ryan!" Adam calls out. By the sound of his voice, I can already tell he was trying to get my attention for a while, as I didn't even realize when he walked in.

"Get out of your head bud, I'm right here." He mentions, although it didn't register in my brain. He could clearly tell I'm not focusing.
Adam pulls me away to my room, closing the door behind him. I just stand here crying and shaking immensely, replaying every word of the yelling fight I just re-saw in my head. Adam, although he has no idea what's really going on with me, pulls me into a hug, wrapping his arms around my back. My face buries into his shoulder as the tears flow out and soak his shirt. He gently shushes me and rubs my back softly, shifting the weight between his feet in an attempt to calm me down.

"It's ok." He comforts, even though I know he's lying.
I feel like such a baby. Like a helpless little kid after falling off their bike. My breathing starts accelerating even more, and my throat starts closing up.

"A-Adam I-I can't breathe." I stutter out, trying to pull away from him. I try to control my breathing but every time I thought I had it I would lose it again. I start crying even more.