Bizarre Love Triangle (lgbtq+)

14 LOVING

We were out with the crew because it was the last weekend before school started again.

"To a new year," David said.

"To a new year," we repeated and clinked glasses.

The evening passed uneventfully. We ate and shared anecdotes from our summers. Nasreen wanted to know everything about Noel and me, and Elia took it with composure.

Later, when we were walking home, I heard Nas quietly saying to David: "I always thought she'd end up with Elia."

I looked at Elia to see if she heard it too, but her face was unreadable.

This hurt me more than I liked to admit. These words had the power to question my own intentions. What if I was pretending? What if I just was hurt by the rejection I got from Elia and projected these feelings on Noel? What if I actually didn't want to be with him? What if ... What if I ended up hurting him just like I hurt Elia? What if I lost both of them?

Once we said goodbye to the others, Noel took my hand.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm really good," I said and squeezed his hand. "How are you?"

"Haven't been better."

"Why does it sound like we're both lying?" I asked.

He stopped. "Are you?"

"I don't know. Maybe. Are you?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

He took a deep breath. "I expected that there would be complications with yours and Elia's past and I thought that I could just... ignore it. But I can't and I don't know what to do about it. I wish I didn't feel that way."

"You think I'm gonna cheat on you?"

He shook his head vehemently. "No. But you were different before Elia came back and I fear that she's always going to have an effect on you and how you behave around me."

I didn't know where to look.

What if?

Then he said: "I love you and I wish I didn't feel that way," and I knew that I was in the right place.

I took his face into my hands. "I love you, too."

A smile appeared on his face.

"I know that these past two weeks have been hard, but I will do anything to let you feel that I care about you."

He sighed. "I don't want you to act in front of me just to protect my ego. I want to be there for you when you are going through a hard time."

I lowered my hands. "You are saying you cannot be with me when I act on my pain, but you cannot be with me when I don't show it. Do you want me to stop seeing her?"

"What? No!" He stroked his hand through his hair. "I didn't say that. I would never make you chose."

"Okay, then tell me what I'm supposed to do to solve this."

"That's the thing. I don't think there's anything you can do."

I opened my mouth and shut it again. We looked at each other, then I asked: "Do you want to be with me?"

"Of course, I do."

"Then let's be together and get through this together."

The smile on his face reappeared, he took my hand and we walked home.

In front of our house, Noel stopped.

"It was a nice evening. We should definitely do that again sometime," he said like we had just come back from our first date.

I laughed. Then I looked at him. "You know, you could come upstairs for some ... coffee."

"I would love you - love to," we started laughing. "I love you."

"I love you, too."