Issues.. (Sad short stories)

It's too late...

I take my final drag from the final cigarette in my pack. I sigh, missing the sharp sensation travelling down my throat as I inhale and exhale.

I know it's bad for me, but I'm past the point of caring. It's my only coping mechanism so I feel I have no choice. I'm only 15, I started when I was merely 11. I understand there are other ways of coping, healthy and unhealthy, but none of them work for me.

This thought makes me gaze down to the single scar on my fragile wrist. Never again I say in my head. I shudder from the thought and try to distract myself. If only I had another fag.

My friends are aware of my addiction to the small yellow budded sticks which basically guarantee an early death. But they've given up on trying to stop me, I'm quite a stubborn person. 

I saviour the nicotine high I'm on whilst it lasts as it's become a spur of the moment thing for me as I've built up a tolerance which has it's pros and cons. The escape allows my body to relax as all troubles float from my mind, halting the painful words from twisting the invisible dagger any further into my unguarded skin. 

[...] 

I sigh when the hell hole comes into my view, this place is one of the reasons I need those cancer sticks, without them I don't think I could've survived this hell for this long. 

As I'm in class I can feel someone's stare from my side and my eyes land on the familiar face that belongs to Alec. He's just an average kid, nothing special, nothing unusual, but he pisses the crap out of me.

From the day I transferred here 3 years ago I've avoided making any friends, if anyone approached me no matter what their intentions were I pushed them away harshly. I humoured no one and eventually everyone forgot about my existence. Alec was the same he tried to be friends with me but I shut him out as I do with everyone, however, in contrast to the rest of the school he never gave up. There are times when he backs off but he always finds his way back to my side trying to break my walls that are indestructible. 

I roll my eyes when I see he's, as usual, gazing at me trying to get my attention. I show him a specific finger before turning away wasting no more time and energy on him. 

[...]

I squint as bright lights pierce my vision, "Hey, Bri. Wake up, class is over." Alec's grating voice rings through my ears. 

Slowly I readjust to the torturous world and realise class has indeed finished and me and Alec are the only ones still here. He needs to stop doing this...I'm so grateful for the gesture but I refuse to tell him that.

I huff, reluctantly tearing my body from the uncomfortable chair, "Alec, stop waiting for me. You're going to get introuble for being late to class." 

"So are you." He informs me.

"No, I'm skipping next lesson so you did it for nothing." I fire back, using any excuse to get him to stop trying.

"Let me skip with you." He says leaving me perplexed.

"No, you need to stay here and learn shit." I have no future but this boy could have a bright one, he's very smart, I don't want to be the cause of his downfall.

"You're doing it so why can't I? Either way I'm not taking no for an answer." See what I mean, he's persistent.

I sigh heavily before walking the usual route I take to the back of the school, no one's ever here so it's a safe space to blow some steam. I ignore the looks of the boy who is now standing next to me, I can't control his life, if he insists then there's nothing I can do.

As if it was my prized possession I carefully reveal the cigarette packet from my back pocket, I keep it there so I always have access even if I forget my bag for whatever reason. I remove one of the sticks, looking at it like it was my saviour, which in a way it is. I take it between my lips as I remove my lighter from the same pocket and continue to breath in as I hold the delicate flame to the open end of the fag.