Issues.. (Sad short stories)

Honesty

So I want to be honest...

Honestly, I'm far from happy. I am really fucking struggling and I always have been for the past 7 years. I don't really have ups and downs, for me things just stay the same for a while and then get worse - I've never had an 'up'.

Everything just feels useless and I don't know what to do anymore, and I don't know how much longer I can bare this. It's funny; I said that years ago but I kept going even though I still had no clue what to do, and I'm still in the same situation now. I see no point to anything. But although I know I need to let go, I can't because I'm still waiting for the impossible to happen. It will never happen yet I can't give up on it because I know it's everything I've ever wanted. 

I've tried everything except medication, and I can't get medication because I bottle things up so no one takes me seriously enough to prescribe me anything, and nothing has worked. I feel hopeless. There's this saying I heard: 'Some people you just can't save.' I suspect I might be one of those people. If that is true and I am one of them then I wish I could just end it now to save myself from the years more of torture and suffering before my life ends later...but I can't. Because as I said earlier, I'm still waiting for the impossible.

It's not that I don't want to live anymore, it's that I don't want to live this life or live as this person anymore - I want to be happy and confident and enjoy my life and be content with it, but I'm not. 

I can't describe what I've been through or how I feel etc but I've been at a total loss for years now, and I still am. I just want to be happy, in whatever form that comes in - who, what, where, when or anything - I just want to be happy.  Please help me, or give me advice - I'm desperate. I wouldn't normally come out and say this to you guys, I normally let you know I'm not doing great but don't give details, but this time I am so desperate and lost that I genuinely don't know how much longer I can bare this...so please, any advice you have or contacts or anything that could possibly help, message me or write a comment on here if you feel comfortable enough. 

Thank you so much - Bangtanxxo