I'm not Gay, I'm Homosexual

No Gender roles? Towards a respectful Co-existence

During the 70's we had the sexual revolution, now in the 2020's we have the gender revolution.

People are demanding, especially younger generations, to be addressed and treated in the way they choose to regardless of the sex they were given by nature when born.

It is not surprising that the gay movement has been the main reference to this social ambition with its challenge to the established concepts of gender and sexuality.

Even though this request seems beautifully democratic from the outside it brings serious challenges which we will need to face and solve sooner than later.

How we make all the possible variations when we mix gender and sex be taken into account as equally deserving of respect?

Here some of the possible variations:

_How you look may not convey the sexual gender you were born to

You look like a man but you have female organs for instance, at least one of them

_How you look and your genitals do not determine who you are sexually attracted to

You look like a man but you have female organs and you are attracted to women, for instance.

_You look like a man and you feel attracted to men

_You look androgynous and you are attracted to men.

Etc, etc, etc

If something history has demonstrated over and over again is that anarchy and confusion never work, so the question remains how, we humans, are going to solve this communication challenge meanwhile remaining open, tolerant and respectful of everybody's choice?

For me, the only answer possible is trough honesty and respect.

One of the many beautiful aspects of honesty is that for it to happen in a fluid and effortless manner you need to feel free, you need to be confident your truth is not a threat for others so you can express yourself with ease and joy.

Unfortunately, cultural changes in life do not always happen one step after another. Sometimes they do, others they overlap with old traditions or believes causing clashes between different groups of society and in others they never catch up.

This demand for the abolition of the "traditional" understanding of gender roles brings two different kinds of groups to the front of the battle: those who believe openness should be embraced, be the new norm, all expressions valid with no exception and on the other side the fanatics who think their view is the only one that should be accepted; be it that all of us should be polyamorous or all of us to be gender-neutral, etc This homogeneity of society is really dangerous as it leads to dictatorial schemes where induvial expression will not be tolerated.

So, the options seem to be either evolution or involution.

One way for me to avoid the risk that fanatism brings is being brave, honest and respectful which starts with identifying yourself in the way that you have chosen to be: trans, no binary man, no binary woman, bisexual man, homosexual, crossdresser, etc

We should have the freedom to choose how we want to feel and look but that implies that the objects of our affection or desire have the right to know who we have chosen to be so they can take an informed decision. That is called respect!

For me not doing this is almost as bad as abusing sexually of a person that is drunk, like it or not you are leading them to a situation they don't have any clue about and which they may not enjoy or like.

We need to stop as well thinking that individuality and freedom of choice are synonymous with racism or intolerance.

Why is it wrong to say I'm not attracted sexually to red hair people, or white people or Asians or women, or thin people?

All of us in one way or another choose people to love or to be with using different kinds of criteria; if you like all ethnicities you may choose the one based on his body odor or the amount of hair he has, or his height. Will that not make you as "racist or intolerant" as the ones that choose for ethnics?

If there is no offense in the way the rejection is presented then all is perfect, that is life.

And that should happen as well when, for example, a transwoman is seducing a straight man. He deserves to know you are not a woman; he deserves to know you are a transwoman, and then if he does not want to go ahead because he does not want to experience the implications of it, saying "no thanks" should be enough and valid.

In the same token when a masculine man is seducing a man who he thinks may be gay, the straight man with politeness and respect should have the freedom of saying no thanks "I'm not gay". That is all. No drama.

I really wish and hope that wherever we are going with the multiple options we have in terms of our gender and sexuality that honesty, respect, tolerance, and understanding be the rule that all of us decide to embrace and encourage, just in this way I believe we will coexist and prosper in harmony.