I Still Love You | Reddie

Chapter 4: Let's Have A New Start.

09 - 01 - 1994

Hi,

My name is Eddie Kaspbrak and I'm eighteen years old. The last time I had a journal, it fucked everything up. So, you must be asking yourself right now, "Well, if his diary ruined his life before, why does he have one right now?" Good question. First of all, I'm not a kid anymore. Secondly, I don't have the naivety I had as a child. Thirdly, I'm going to university soon (yep, you read that right -- I'm going to university.) Lastly, I'm not a fucking kid anymore (I felt like I had to write that twice because some people really don't get it.)

I'll be studying at New York! For some reason, I managed to snatch a scholarship to one of the top schools in the state. I can't wait to get out of this hellhole and to finally live my life on my own. For once, I'll be in-control of myself. No one is going to tell me what to do or consistently nag me about everything.

Mommy and I talked during dinner. She told me that she wanted to drop me off, then proceeded to tell me that I don't need to go to New York. Needless to say, things didn't go well.

--

"Eddie-bear, I'll be dropping you off next week." The sound Sonia's cutlery dragging across her plate reverberated over the room. She looked at her son intently, her eyes filled with nothing but apprehension. "Maybe... you don't need to go to New York! There are plenty of schools here -- surely you can find a place to study here!"

'You've got to be kidding me!' Eddie thought to himself. He gaped at his mother, his face showing complete disbelief and amazement. If there had been a fly in the room, it would have surely entered his mouth at that point. He got a scholarship, for fuck's sake! A scholarship! People rarely get the opportunity to have one.

"Mo-mommy, I-" Eddie took a deep breath, preparing himself for the worst. "I got a scholarship in New York. New York, mommy! I won't let that chance of mine go to waste. You've got to understand that I can't stay here forever." At that moment, the boy knew he had done a mistake.

Soon enough, Sonia's face turned red with anger. Tears began to well up in her eyes, blurring her line of sight. "You just want to leave me here! You want me to rot and die!" She slammed her hand across the table, the sound of the ceramic plates clashing against the wooden table filling up the room. 

"Mommy, that's not what I want to do." Eddie tried to recollect his composure. He began to thrum his fingers against the table, a feeble attempt to calm himself down. At that point in time, all the boy wanted to do was to melt in a big, wet, puddle of tears as he dissipated into thin air. 

"That's bullshit, Eddie!" Sonia stood up from where she was seated and left the room. Her heart broken in pieces as a heavy aura surrounded her.

--

Things escalate quickly when it comes to mommy. I don't know why, but it happens. After she left the room, I talked to her the best I could (it worked, surprisingly), gave her a little kiss on the cheek and told her I loved her. I should probably call her everyday once I'm in New York.

The last few years have been tough. I miss The Losers a lot -- especially Richie. I know he told me that he hated me (and let me tell you, it fucking hurt), but that didn't stop me from loving him. A part of me wants to believe that he didn't mean it -- that he said it due to the heat of the moment. Meanwhile, another side of me thinks that he actually meant it. I wouldn't be really surprised if that was the case. 

Anyway, I should prepare my stuff now. I'm going to move into my dorm by the third of September -- which is on Saturday. 

Eddie.

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It's been a while! I'm sorry I haven't updated for so long. I hope you guys like this chapter! If you didn't, that's okay. If I've made any grammatical errors, feel free to point it out and I'll edit it :^) Also, I'm sorry my writing sucks. I haven't written anything in a while. I hope you all have a great day!

Nico 💫