Resistance

Chapter 18

A few months before my mother's death, and just after my sixth birthday, I saw a comet streak across the night sky while I looked out my bedroom window. I remember thinking it was unlike anything I'd ever seen, and it felt like a dormant part of me that was buried deep in my heart had come alive at the sight. I often think about that moment as a symbol of hope, a natural phenomenon that indicated I would make it through the upcoming years without my mother. Now, sitting here next to Eren in this cramped army truck, I was grateful that I'd held onto that hope, even when all I wanted to do was let it burn out. And it had come so close to burning out all on its own, but through his patience and understanding, Eren had reignited it.

Now it burned bigger and brighter than it ever had before, like he'd struck a match in my mind and lit a fire that engulfed any doubts I had left. It effectively erased them when nothing else could. There wasn't a trace of fear as the familiar symptoms of heat began to appear. Not even as my body temperature rose and turned my muscles into liquid. All I wanted was to close the space separating us. I wanted to feel his hands on every part of my body. I wanted this so badly that it took everything in me not to hurl myself at him.

"We'll be there soon," Eren said when he noticed me shift in my seat. The evident strain in his voice made me tip my head back and squeeze my eyes shut. God, I wanted to drown in his voice. "Levi, are you feeling all right? Is it too much for you to sit this close to me?"

"I'm fine. Just thinking." About how much I want you to touch me.

"About Erwin? Don't worry about him. I'll take care of—"

"No," I said, cutting him off. The last person I wanted to talk about was Erwin. "I'm not thinking about what will happen to us once we return to the sanctuary. I'm thinking about you. About us."

"Oh." That's all he said.

I peered at him through the locks of hair that fell over my eyes. He held onto the steering wheel with a white-knuckled grip. I could see he was doing everything in his power to keep himself in check. Right now, with us being in human territory, he wouldn't allow himself to be distracted by his desires. His first priority was to get us all home in one piece. And as much as I wanted him to alleviate this heat running its course through my body, I wouldn't risk the lives of the others.

"I'm going to have to talk to Erwin when we get to the sanctuary," Eren said in a voice that was as thick and sweet as honey. God. "Is there anyone you trust to watch over you while I set things straight with him? Someone you know wouldn't attempt anything while you're in this state?"

"Isabel. I trust her with my life."

"I'll have Farlan go in and get her the moment we arrive." He glanced at me for a second, but it was long enough for me to see that his eyes were flashing from green to silver as he fought to remain in control of his instincts. "Levi, before anything happens between us, I want you to be sure of what you're doing. I don't want you to do anything you might regret once your heat is over. Maybe it would be best if we wait it out..."

"I'll lose my mind if you make me wait any longer than I already have to. Even before we set out on this mission, I'd already decided I wanted to mate with you." I reached across the space between us and grabbed his hand. His hand was larger and stronger than mine, with long, slender fingers that caused something to curl and uncurl in the pit of my stomach. "I'll never want anyone else. You're the only alpha—no, that's not the right way to phrase it—you're the only person I've ever wanted in my entire life. I'm not going to regret being with you, Eren. The only thing I regret is waiting this long to accept you."