Resistance

Chapter 11

Hanji handed me a multivitamin that was large and milky white. It was another one of her concoctions, except this one was intended to help me. I looked down at the pill in the palm of my hand before I popped it into my mouth. The grainy texture that coated my tongue was immediate. I picked up the glass of water that had been set on the counter for me and washed the pill down with several rushed gulps. Erwin and her were doing everything in their power to reverse the effects of the suppressants, but the sad truth was I didn't feel any better. The pain in my joints was worsening. It was almost unbearable now.

Warmth spread through my chest as I sat there waiting for Hanji to hand me yet another pill, this one for the pain. I couldn't make it through the day without it, and to think that in two weeks' I would be leading my squad out into dangerous terrain. Could I be trusted with their lives under these conditions? I didn't want to be relieved of my position as captain, but perhaps that was for the best. Perhaps it was time that I accepted my fate and stopped trying to dodge the inevitable.

"You look tired," Hanji said as she unscrewed the lid of a white bottle. "Didn't sleep well?"

How could I sleep well when my alpha was in a different room than me? I'd kept my distance from Eren out of necessity, and I was paying the consequences for that. Whenever his scent faded from my skin, drowned out by my own as the hours passed, I ached for him in every way possible. I wanted him to hold me, kiss me, to reassure me that he was still mine, although he wasn't bound to me. He did not bear the mated mark on his neck. At any moment he could choose to find another, and if it came down to that, I wouldn't stop him. He deserved an omega that wasn't damaged the way I was.

"You already know the answer to that question," I answered.

"Eren hasn't been able to sleep well, either." Hanji shook two pills onto her palm and then gave them to me. "He's becoming agitated."

I swallowed down the pills before I asked, "Agitated?"

"Yes. The other day someone bumped into him by accident and he started a fight. If Farlan wouldn't have been there to intervene, who knows how far Eren would have taken it." She pulled up a medical stool to sit on. "His behavior isn't uncalled for. He's anxious, Levi. He wants to see you, to know how you are. The only time you allow him near you is in the morning, when he scent marks you, but that isn't enough for him."

"You know why it has to be this way, Hanji. With the way I've been feeling, it's better that I don't see him too often. He needs to"—I dropped my gaze, swallowing convulsively—"let me go."

"It's not that simple. Destined mates are meant to be with one another. No other omega will satisfy him. He craves only you, and I know you feel the same way in return." She put her hand on my shoulder. "I'm going to do everything I can to make you better. I will not rest until I've discovered a way to fix this."

I shook my head. "But what if you can't fix this?"

"Then he's going to lose you either way," she said in a strained voice.

I closed my eyes and let out a shaky breath, clenching my teeth afterwards. I spoke through them. "I don't want to hurt him."

"Then be with him while you can. Let him comfort you, take care of you. It's all he wants right now."

"Fuck," I muttered. I stood up and knocked over the chair I'd been sitting in. I lifted my hand to my chest in a useless attempt to dull the throbbing pain there. Only one person could take it away. "Why does the thought of hurting him make me feel this way? Like I'm breaking into pieces?"