Aeipathy • Paul Lahote

Forgiveness

When Estrella walked in the door, Bella shot up from the couch with wide eyes. "Where were you?" she questioned, worry hidden behind her voice. Despite the fact that most people wouldn't be able to hear the emotion, Estrella picked up on it easily.

"Sorry, Bells," she responded, moving in to wrap her older sister in a hug while thinking up an excuse on the fly. "I was with Paul and didn't even realize the time." Her sister tensed and looked down at her in confusion, which Estrella laughed at, mistakenly assuming it was about the fight the two had. "Yes, I did forgive him for being an ass," she said with a grin. "Speaking of, though, did you and Jake end up making up? What did you guys talk about?"

Bella sighed, knowing not to press her sister. She couldn't argue against the ginger's lie, as she had no reason to know that it was a lie. She couldn't simply say 'Oh, I know you're lying because Paul was a giant wolf watching my vampire boyfriend and his vampire family train for a battle against other vampires.' So, she let it go to talk about the complications with Jake. 

"Can we talk about this in one of our rooms?" she asked. Estrella nodded and led the way up to her bedroom, crawling onto the bed with Bella following. "It's... complicated." Bella sighed before laying down, resting her head in Estrella's lap. "He kissed me. Without me agreeing to it. While knowing I have a boyfriend I'm extremely in love with. But he also said he was sorry." She thought back to what Jacob had to say.

"Bella, please, I'm sorry," he had pleaded, his puppy dog eyes begging for forgiveness. But Bella was still pissed.

"Jake, do you know how big that was? What kind of line you crossed? Do you know how not okay that was?"

He hung his head and nodded. "Bells, I know," he sighed. "I know. It was wrong and super not okay and broke your trust in me and honestly, it should have. That was such a creeper move and I've been upset about it since it happened." He looked up again and grabbed Bella's hands. "You're my best friend, Bells. I let my emotions take over and I thought I saw signals from you that weren't actually there and I didn't think. I didn't think and I didn't ask and I acted impulsively and I shouldn't have and I'm so sorry. 

"It's hard to not let my own opinions of what's right for you take over my actions, but you're your own person and you get to decide what you want, even if it's something I disagree with. I can't say that I'm fully okay with everything but I'm working on it. And that whole situation made me realize that. It made me realize that I've been stuck in my own head, focused on what I think rather than what you think. Which isn't okay. If you'll let me, I'm going to work on being a better best friend for you. I won't stop telling you when I'm worried or when I think you're making the wrong decision, but I'll work on supporting you better even when we disagree."

Bella paused for a moment, taking a breath. "I think I need a bit of time," she mumbled, squeezing Jake's hand. "I just need to relax and calm down and think about things with a level head rather than with the overwhelmed state I'm in right now. I still want you in my life, you're still my friend, I just need to figure out how vulnerable I'm willing to be with you now and how much I can let myself trust you."

Jacob nodded. "That's okay," he said. "That's perfectly okay. Take all the time you need, you know I'll be here when, or if, you're ready."

Bella looked up to smile at him before Alice made her way down the stairs to interrupt.

After her retelling, Bella stopped to breathe. "So I don't know what to do," she sighed, rubbing her eyes. "Jake has been my best friend for a very long time, he was the one to support me and hold me up for months when I needed to. But him crossing that line? I don't know what to do about it."

Estrella nodded. "Do you just want me to listen or do you want sisterly advice?"

"Advice, please," Bella said with a laugh, making Estrella grin.

"Well, I think Jake cares about you. I think he cares about you a lot. Like you said, he spent months with you, taking care of you, holding you up when you couldn't stand on your own." Estrella sighed. "What he did wasn't okay. The fact that he was acting controlling wasn't okay. But I do think he's sincerely sorry and never intended to hurt you, yanno? I think he saw himself as your protector for months. He saw himself as your impulse control and your reasoning and the one thing to steer you away from overly dangerous things while making sure to be there to protect you from all the decisions you were making. He probably hadn't fully adjusted to not needing to be that anymore and took it too far." Estrella let her fingers run through Bella's hair comfortingly. "I think it's hard for any teenage boy to apologize for something," she said with a laugh. "And the fact that he did so, very sincerely, while acknowledging what he did wrong and saying that he was going to work on it earns him a second chance. But at the end of the day, that's just my outlook on it and you don't have to give him a second chance if you don't want to."

Bella sighed and sat up. "I know," she mumbled. "But I do want to. If he does something like this again then that would be the last straw, but where we are now, I'm going to forgive him."

Estrella smiled at her sister, leaning in to give her a hug. "Good for you, Bells," she said. "But before you decide to start up a conversation to forgive him, I think you need to sleep."

Both girls laughed at that and Bella left for her own room, both sisters getting ready for bed and falling asleep.