Ferocity

Chapter Five - Sorry

Bucky and Kal had formed a solid friendship over the last several months, his companionship had helped fill a void that she didn't know that she had. It had been raining nearly everyday and in typical African fashion it rained hard. As a result she hadn't been able to go for her runs very often and T'Challa had been away a great deal, so she rarely got the opportunity to spar with him. All of Kal's pent up energy was causing her to feel extremely anxious and on edge, on top of that she was barely sleeping only getting a few hours each night. Bucky had noticed the change in her, she shuffled around the house with dark circles under her eyes and he certainly wasn't buying it when she told him that she was fine. But he also didn't want to push so he just tried to be there for her if she needed.

Many times Kal almost told him about her past and her abilities so he would understand why she was so edgy, but each time she stopped herself out of fear of how Bucky might view her. She was worried that he might only see Hydra when he looked at her and the weapon that she was. Kal enjoyed how Bucky looked at her, as a person, as an equal not as an outsider or a danger and she couldn't stand the thought of Bucky no longer looking at her with compassion and affection. Kal knew that Bucky cared for her and her feelings for him had grown beyond friendship, beyond anything that she had ever felt for another person, but she knew that she had no right to hope for more until he truly knew her and what she was, what Hydra had made her.

Thunder rumbled in the distance, it wasn't very loud but it was enough to wake her from her already restless sleep. Kal rolled onto her back starring up at her ceiling watching the glow of the lightening dance across it.

"UBEY MENYA! Prost ubey menya!!!" Bucky cried from his room.

Kal jumped up from her bed and rant to his room finding him thrashing beneath his blanket, covered in sweat and whimpering in pain repeating 'Kill me, just kill me' over and over in Russian. Without even thinking Kal rushed to his side.

"Bucky, Bucky wake up, it's not real" She pleaded, but it did not rouse him. She shook his shoulders "Buck, please wake up"

Bucky's eyes opened wide with fear and before she could react his hand gripped her throat, squeezing tightly cutting off her airway. Kal knew she could easily over power him, but she didn't know where he was in his mind or who he was right now, though she could see in his eyes that he was not really awake, a struggle would only add to the nightmare that he was already in and she didn't want to risk hurting him. Instead of fighting back she reached out and cupped her hand against the side of his face stroking her thumb across his cheek gently as she often did when he was feeling down. Recognition washed over his face, which was quickly replaced by horror over his actions, Bucky released his grip on her slender neck that he had so often admired and ran out of the house before she could stop him.

Bucky stopped just before the dock standing in the rain with his chest heaving, he ran his hand through his hair and felt like he couldn't breath, like his world was closing in around him. He had been so foolish living here with Kal, getting close to her, all the time thinking that the monster inside him had been banished putting her at risk. Bucky's mind was racing  with thoughts that he couldn't keep straight, tears streaming down his face he felt her arms wrap around his waist and her face press against his back.

"Bucky, I am so sorry" She said quietly through her own tears.

He didn't understand, why was she sorry or why she was comforting him, he nearly killed her. Bucky knew he should run away from her before he hurt her again, but he couldn't, he needed her. He needed her friendship, her compassion, her everything. Instead of pushing away from her he turned so they were facing each other, pulling her close he threaded his fingers through her hair resting his lips on the top of her head inhaling the scent of her his breathing returned to normal.