Descent

Chapter 35 ~ Daydreaming.

My very being aches.

It hurts so, so bad.

Even after Rosik had rolled off of me and started smoking a cigarette while pressed against my side I could still hear his grunts echoing around me.

My body was so cold but every time I tried to wrap the sheet around me with shaking hands Rosik would place his hand on my stomach, warning me to stay exposed while he dragged harder on the cigarette.

Smirking down at me.

I blinked.

Rosik was gone.
I could hear the shower running but I remained still, now too afraid to pull the blanket back over me.
Not wanting to make him mad.
Not wanting his attention for even a second.

I blinked again.

I could smell food around me, vaguely I felt a hand tilt my chin and bland soup filled my senses as a spoon forced its way past my lips.

The only sound was the spoon clanking against my clenched, chattering teeth.
At least I thought that was the only sound, if Rosik was speaking then I wasn't listening.

I blinked again.

My body jolted as I realised that I had almost fallen asleep, my eyes squinted in the pitch black room and Rosik was snuggled deeply into my side, his face pressed into my neck, the grin that hadn't left his face remained etched in even when unconscious.

I was grateful for the heat as my body violently shivered, still exposed.

As much as it made me hate myself I found myself leaning into his side.
While my mind screamed that it didn't want to survive, that I was finished.
My body still held tightly onto the natural desire to live.

It sickened me.
I sicken me.

I blinked again.

This time there was water, lots of it, barrelling down and alighting my nerves.

The water felt like lava scorching my freezing skin and I vaguely recall crying out as the goosebumps on my flesh simmered and retreated back into my skin.

Rosik was standing behind me in the shower, washing my entire body while I swayed, he was humming a song as he moved me around like a doll and I kept my gaze solely on the floor.

My only reaction was a slight wince as I noticed blood begin to seep down the drain, blood that was caked between my thighs from last night.

"It's alright, that's normal."
Rosik called out, his voice echoed in the small space and he sounded relieved that I had a reaction.

His hands on my body were so light, believing me to be fragile and he was absolutely correct.
I am fragile.

I blinked again.

This time I cried.

Standing in the middle of the room with a dress scratching my neck due to the foreign high neckline.

I floated into the bathroom and tilted my head at my reflection, the tears now sliding under the collar and making the pain harsher as I erratically shook my head.