Making Mistakes

Ch. 2

I'm finally home. I know Amber is bout to have my ass mane. It's almost 4:00 in the morning. Maybe if I walk in the house super quiet she won't yell at me. Besides, the kids are asleep and she would hate to wake them due to our arguing. She hates arguing in front of the kids and I do too. We want them to see a healthy relationship not the fucked up ones we saw growing up. 

As I walk up the stairs I look in on my babies. Their sleep so peacefully in their rooms probably dreaming about ponies and video games. As lean on the side of the door all I can think about is when we had them. Amber and I had twins, a boy, and a girl, and named them La'mone and Lyric. You probably wondering where we got La'mone from. Well, we thought we were having two girls and we were gonna name them Sa'mone and Lyric but we had a boy instead and we decide to keep the name except make it a La instead of Sa. Yeah, ghetto I know, but we love it and we love them! 

Man, I remember when Amber was pregnant that was a rough pregnancy. She was trying to finish her album, as well as, work with the label on marketing. She was so stressed and I didn't make it any easier. I was trying to make ends meet which didn't allow me to be there for her as much as I needed to be. She would go to doctor's appointments and I wouldn't be there because I was working. Chasing a dollar instead of chasing my family. I just wanted to be a great provider but in the end, I neglected my family in the process. I almost missed the twin's birth if it wasn't for a co-worker knocking some sense into my brain. I made a lot of mistakes in my past with my family and with Amber. Hell, I'm making mistakes now. Like the one, I'm making right now by coming in so late. I know I'm wrong but to be honest, I didn't want to come home. Ever since I got my record deal everything has changed. I started feeling myself a little, not gonna lie. I guess when that record deal came  I felt like I had finally made it. I had put all the old people who use to abuse me and tell me I was "gonna be nothing" to shame. I finally put a huge smile on Amber's face. I could finally do something for her instead of her doing something for me. She always did stuff for me since the day she saved me from her crazy ass cousin. That man still doesn't like my ass, and not for the reasons y'all think. He was just mad because after that game his spoiled ass never got the recruitment he deserved because Amber's ex-boyfriend took his spot that night. He still blames me for being benched and not getting him those test answers. You can say a lot about me but I'm not a cheater and I don't cut corners. That's one thing about me you will know. Now I know, I know I'm coming in at 4:00 in the morning and I'm not a cheater? But it's true! I wasn't cheating on Amber! I would never even think to do that. She's my world man, I've just forgotten how to show her. You see me and Amber once we're two peas in a pod. Ever since that day outside the bathrooms we were inseparable. We studied together and chilled together and told each other everything. At that point we were just friends, she had a boyfriend who she loved and I wasn't the type of man to come in between that, even if I had a small crush. Even with her boyfriend she still made time for me. She was there for me when my brother got killed, when my mom kicked me out,  and when I lost my scholarship. Every tragedy in my life she was there with open arms no matter what she was going through. That was Amber though she always put her problems aside to be there for others and even in the craziness of her own personal life she always found a way to make every person she helped feel like a priority. Amber didn't always have it easy either, no matter how great her life had looked on the outside. She came from a famous family, her mother was the great poet and singer Jill Scott and her dad was a big-time record producer. Amber always thought that people knew her because of her sister and her voice but it was really her parents. Both her parents grew up in our old neighborhood and decided they wanted to raise their kids there to help their kids build character.  Her parents seem so happy on the outside looking in and always were trying to help the next person who needed it, but little did people know what went on in that house. Amber's dad had a bad drug addiction and cheated on her mom a lot. On top of that Amber's mother always tried to keep this charade up for the community like everything was fine and drink her sorrows away. Dealing with Parents who turned to drugs and alcohol she was kinda forced to do a lot on her own. She had siblings of course but they always looked out for themselves really. Her older sister was always throwing parties and fucking guys like it was sport and her brother was always running the streets, being a wanna-be thug. He won't bout that life. With all this going on she still was so positive and bubbly. I think I've only seen her cry twice and both times it was when she was pregnant and they weren't tears of joy. Amber only cry's when she is broken and gives up. I remember when she first told be was pregnant, it was our junior year of high school. I bet you thought I was talking bout the twins. Naw Amber was pregnant before, by her ex-boyfriend Daquan.
Flashback
Amber had texted me and said she needed me ASAP with red dots in front of the message to let me know it was urgent. I ran from my beat-up 1999 Camry to her front door and ring the doorbell. As I'm waiting for the door to open I notice nobody's cars are in the driveway, which means the only person home is amber. Amber comes to the door with her eyes puffy. I can tell she has been crying a lot. She says nothing and grabs me and cries. I hold her and rub her head and walk us into the living room while closing the door behind me. I sit us down on the couch and I peel her off of me. I look her in her eyes and ask "what's going on"
She takes a deep breath and says "Don't hate me"
" I could never do that, now what's wrong"
She closes her eyes and breathes
"I'm pregnant."
My world stops, How is she pregnant? She had been telling me her a Daquan hadn't been speaking.
"Are you going to say something, I knew you hated me, I knew it "
"Wait what! No Amb I don't hate you. I'm just in shock of everything"
"When did you find out, how did this happen I thought you were on the pill"
"today and I was but I switch birth controls due to complications with my last one and during that window I and Daquan had sex"
"Wait so you and Daquan are talking again."
"No, this happened before we stopped talking, besides  I'm not telling him!"
"Why not "
"Because what"
"He deserves to know, he the father, and it not right for him not to be allowed to know these things. I get the..."
"He's Gay August!"
"What..... what...What do you mean he's gay?"
"He's gay aug he told me last week when I found him texting some guy he had been fucking!"
"Maybe it was a joke?" I look at her trying to convince he. Honestly, I was trying to convince myself and process the information I was just told.
She looked at me like she wanted to kill me.
"No there were graphic pictures, dick pics, and ass pics

She closes her eyes and takes a breath. It... it was a lot!"
"Wow"
"Yeah"
"Damn Amber, I'm sorry, why didn't you tell me."
"I didn't want to share his secret even though he hurt me it's not right"
"Damn Amber, I'm here for you ok, anything you need I got you"
"Thank you aug, Thank you"
Flashback end

As I'm in my thoughts about our story, I move to my man cave down stairs.  I wanna go into the bedroom but I can't face her right now... I need a blunt, so the man cave I go. Tip tow down the stairs to the basement where my man cave is at, and dig in my couch console for my weed and leaves.  As I roll up I can't stop thinking about that moment in Ambers house. 

I couldn't believe Daquan was gay and he definitely is. He is married now to his husband and they're really happy. At least I think they are we haven't seen him since he left when Amber had the baby. As for the baby, Amber gave birth to a healthy baby boy name Damar August Riley and he is fantastic. He is in college now, and the boy is only 16. He is so smart, funny, and respectful. Amber did everything for him and truly raised him to be amazing. I guess you could say I did too though, I was there for everything from his first steps to every first day of school, to his first day of college. While Daquan was off trying to find himself he never really took the time to hang with his son. So I stepped up and pretty much did everything a father was supposed to do. He even asked to have my last name and I was overjoyed. He's my everything man and I miss him a lot but I know he's doing his thing in college. We talk every weekend, he's always calling me telling "Dad guess what happen today ..." I swear he is too young to be in college. Still, he insisted we let him go and convinced us that with a chaperone ( my uncle) he would be able to take on the responsibility of being a college student. After prayer and some arguments, we decided as a family to let him go. Amber was calling him all the time the first week and ready to go get him and bring him back, but we had to let him grow up and besides, he was too smart for regular school and he was staying with my uncle so he was being looked after. We knew that if he stayed in the institutions he was at he would get bored and fall into stuff he wasn't supposed to. We were raising a black boy in the south and we knew we had to keep him engaged at all times or he was gonna fall through the cracks. Now mind you, he is only 30 mins away but still has enough freedom to experience college. After raising him and our two other beauties you would think me and Amber would have it all together but we don't. Amber and I  have been married for 6 years and have been together since our senior year in high school. I swear I love her, but along the way, we lost track of our love.

We stop talking, and hell our sex life is non-existent. Now I'm not saying I married Amber for the sex, but on top of Amber being amazing, the sex,  was out of this world. Now before Amber, I got pussy, hell, plenty of it, but none like Amber.  Yeah, I was this quiet kid who got picked on a lot but it didn't stop girls from trying to be with me on the Down low. Amber, though was different she never once was ashamed to be fucking with a nigga. Her body is banging and still is after 3 kids. She got it all and she's my heart. I just keep fucking up and can't get my stuff together to save my life. It's my fault I've been letting the fame get to my head and I've been failing my wife and ultimately my family. How do I make it stop though ... how ....I'm trying but I don't know, I want to stay in this moment forever.