drunk in love - shawn mendes.

nineteen

hey guys sorry that i didn't update in forever about a month ago i had a whole ass baby lol i put a pic of him at the top hehe that's my son:)))

but i will be updating more now!! there isn't much to do being quarantined in the house all day every day so i will be writing a lot

———

•mila•

it was really odd having to introduce myself to shawn's entire family as his "girlfriend" when he was barely speaking. some of his family members even tried asking me what was wrong with him, and i really didn't know how to respond.

overall, the day wasn't too bad for me socially. after getting more comfortable with his mom earlier in the day, it made me feel better to meet everyone else. i
thought it was very generous of his family to hold their thanksgiving out until shawn came home for his break.

dinner was over and the family was just visiting now. shawn and i were sitting on the couch together, neither of us really talking. everyone else endlessly chatted amongst each other, and it seemed like they could never run out of things to talk about.

shawn suddenly leans closer to me. he whispers in my ear, "i don't feel very good."

i turn my head to look at him. "do you want to go upstairs?"

he nods. the two of us make our way out of the living room without anyone really paying attention. we walk into the bedroom that i've been staying in, and shawn lays down on the bed. he opens his arms wide open gesturing for me to come lay with him.

after i lay down in his arms, long minutes pass before either one of us say anything. i couldn't stop thinking about earlier when he said nothing besides alcohol would really help him. as a person who feels the need to comfort anyone in need of it, it frustrated me to know that i couldn't make him feel better.

"we can leave in the morning." shawn finally says.

"okay."

more minutes pass of our silence, and all i could hear was the distant chatter of his family members downstairs. it wasn't long before i found myself dozing off.

———

"so, are you and shawn dating now?" tayshia asks me excitedly when the three of us are reunited in our apartment a day later.

"did you guys do the deed?" marissa pipes in.

"i can't believe you went to canada with him!"

"i can't believe he's canadian."

"oh my gosh, guys." i laugh. "first of all, we aren't dating. i really don't know what we are. second... yes, we did."

they both gasp, making me laugh even more. they insist i tell them all of the details, so i just tell them how it went down without telling too much. although they were my best friends, i still wanted to keep my personal sex life private.

"well, grayson and i are about to go on a date so i'll see you guys later." tayshia informs us. we tell her to have fun and she leaves a few moments later.

now it was just marissa and i, and we just talk about random things and watch keeping up with the kardashians since we don't really have anything to do. i tell her about how liam texted me yesterday and she was really taken off guard, almost more than i was.

"what did he say?" she asks.

"just some bullshit about how he was thankful for the lesson i taught him." i roll my eyes as i remember the text. if i could see him right now, i would punch him in the face for being so annoying.

"that's weird." she says. she looks down at her phone for a moment, sending a text to someone and then looks back up at me. "i'm gonna go get some homework done."

she gets up and exits the living room. i try to tell myself not to take it personally that she just got up and walked off suddenly all weird-like. i'm an overthinker, so i'm sure it didn't mean anything. she probably really just had homework to do.

———

december comes quickly after thanksgiving, and my heart was extremely happy due to the fact christmas was coming up. shawn and i talk every day, but i haven't seen him since he dropped me off at my apartment the day we got back from canada. today i decided to put aside my pride and ask him to hang out. he tells me to meet him at the library on campus.

when i arrive at the library, it doesn't take me long to find shawn inside. as soon as i find him, i notice how he is surrounded by notebooks, papers, and textbooks. he looks overwhelmingly stressed out and he was even pulling at his hair and grunting in frustration.

"hey." i say to him, sitting in the chair across from him. "you okay?"

"no, i'm failing everything." he responds as he flips through the pages of a history book aggressively.

"it can't be that bad. what classes do you need help with?" i ask him.

"mila, i'm not kidding when i say i'm failing everything! i'm fucking failing every single class!" he says to me, a bit too loudly, in the library. some students glare at us and my cheeks redden in embarrassment. he sighs, "i'm sorry. i'm just stressed."

"i know, it's okay." i say to him quietly. "when i fall behind, here is what i do. i write down a list of everything i need to do for each class and then i just start with one thing and keep crossing them off until i'm done. the trick is staying calm and trying not to freak out, because once that happens it's just a mess."

"yeah, hence me yelling at you in the library." he laughs. at least he was in a better mood now.

i stay quiet as i let shawn write down his list. i tried not to say anything about how shocked i was that his list was so long. it really seemed like he just didn't go to class or do any work or anything in weeks. it was going to be hard for him to change his failing grades, but i was going to motivate and help him as best as i could.

i didn't have any work to do, surprisingly, so i just sat there on my phone while shawn did his work. i knew that he didn't want me to leave. although we weren't talking, i knew my presence was helping him relax.

he finishes a good amount on his list a few hours later, and he lets out a big breath as he closes all his books. "i'm beat, can we do this again tomorrow?" he asks me.

"i have to work tomorrow, but when i get off?"

he nods. "thank you. i know it seems like i was slacking. and i know that i drink way too much, but i really want to get my shit together now..."

it surprised me that he suddenly admitted to his drinking problem. well, sorta. it was starting to worry me a little that he drank so much, so i was glad he wanted to get a handle on things now.

"i'm glad you want to turn things around." i smile at him.

"yeah, well now i feel like i have something in my life that's worth living for."