In Time (Stucky)

Hands

December 15th, 1967

Bucky's POV
My body was pushed to the wall, the faint sound of Beatles and laughter seemed like a whole different world, a world that wouldn't understand what happened between these walls. I felt hands travel along my body, down my thighs, and my arms, and on my face

Warm rough hands.

Lips pushed into mine deeper, with a lust and hunger I still was learning about.
Heat radiated from both of our came from both our bodies, I was starting to break a sweat. My heart was beating out of my chest, I felt a tug in my stomach that made me want to scream but I kept it down.

All I smelled was cheap cologne and fainted cigarettes that I couldn't get enough of, I was intoxicated by that smell. I ran my hands through their short hair and on placed my hands on the side of their face as our lips moved in sync. Their hot lips started to move from my lips, to my cheek and then to my neck leaving trials of kisses everywhere that was now tattooed on my skin. I stood their breathless.

I felt those warm hands move down to my waist, then to my belt buckle....

"I-no. Wait." I said quietly. I opened my eyes, the room was dark and all I could make out was small features of the person in front of me.

They moved their lips away from my neck, keeping their hands settled on my waist., pushing their body close to me.

"Huh? what's wrong?
Their voice was strong and certain, we were inches apart.

"I just uh," My voice shook like a tree on a windy day. "I-I. I just. I've never done it with a..." my voice trailed off looking down at their hands, I felt sick. I thought my heart was going to explode.

"Oh. First timer." they said calmly. I'm stupid, why did I say that?

With one hand still on my waist the other moved the hair out of my face and placed their hand under my chin, making me look up and into their eyes.

"Oh baby that's fine. Don't worry. We can take it slow sweetheart." I melted at their voice.

Both hands moved to my face and their warm lips came back to mine, softer this time.
~

It was cold outside, the air was fresh. The wind slapped me in my face, hitting my cheeks making them red with anger. I could feel the faint warmth of lips and hands all over my body. It was like a ghost of some sort, phantom hands and kisses lingered all over my body.

Warm rough hands and warm rough lips.

Warm rough hands and warm rough lips that belonged to a boy.

A boy. I was kissing a boy.

My head felt light, still drunk off the scent of old cologne and fainted cigarettes.
I felt sick to my stomach, my heart heavy in guilt and disappointment. I was dirty, I wanted to scrub myself clean. I wanted to peel off my skin, break all bones until there was nothing left but my soul. And even then would I still feel dirty and un-pure.

I wanted to cry until I drowned myself and scream until my vocal chord was ripped and I shook the earth with my sorrows.
I wish I could have had him punch me in my face and then kiss it better because his kisses felt like my salvation. I wanted to dance and jump with joy, and make flowers grow. I felt as free bird and I wanted to shoot the bird down.

I tugged at both sides of myself, a civil war within me.

It was cold outside. I missed those warm boy hands and warm boy lips that kissed and touched my body. I wanted to forget them.
~
The sky was exceptionally almost empty. It was a dark inky black with only spots of faded stars lurking. You could never really see the stars out, only a few if you squinted hard enough. With all the city lights and the added colorful lights for the Christmas season seeing stars was even harder. But I still looked up, trying to imagine what the universe would look like. What colors the planets would be, and how beautiful it would be to see the stars up close. Because the whole universe was so vast and every star was made because it had a place to belong. And no matter how big the universe was, I never felt like I belonged anywhere. Not in this house, not with friends, not even a place in the universe.