BROKEN BEYOND REPAIR

ALEXIA KING

This morning has been one hell of a ride for me.

Earlier I woke up all giddy and blushing, thinking about last night. It was magical, something I never expected to experience in real. But my smile soon turned into a frown when I noticed the lack of Kevin's presence beside me. Yesterday morning, he had said all I have to do is ask and I asked, I asked him to stay. He should have at least waited ------- for what? No idea but he should have. I wanted him to look at me, the way only he is capable of, one last time before unveiling my ugly past. Now, throw a mix of the fact that I didn't have a nightmare and you will get a shitty mood. I didn't even stir once last night. I slept. I slept peacefully and for that, I am almost tempted to kidnap Kevin and lock him with me. But that would be not only selfish but also very cruel of him. I simply cannot have him. Some people are born to lighten the world and Kevin is that. I can deprive the world of his brightness. He is meant to shine.

So, instead of coping with the grim reality, I lashed out at him. I have been feeling helpless and angry, so angry at them for doing this to me where I couldn't have the man I want, I need. Angry at the man himself for coming into my life. I was surviving before him but now that I had the taste of what I could achieve with him, I want to live.

After 7 long years, I finally slept as if my soul was finally at peace. And hugged my sister with him on my side, which I had never imagined being possible in this life. He made it happen. So, I wouldn't deny and act wisely as if these factors are also not the reasons to want Kevin more than before.

He might not be the only selfish person in the car but he is the one angry right now. This man sure has some serious guts of threatening to take me against my car and then brood in silence. I am sitting entirely turned towards him, crossing my legs on my seat and waiting for him to acknowledge me. When he doesn't, I take out my cellphone and text Ed to send me a mail of the topics for the project in 5 minutes and followed by a confirmational call.

Keeping the cell in my bra, I unwrapped the sandwich Kevin brought me and intentionally busy my both hands to make them full and greasy. My cell chimes with the mail exactly after 5 minutes and I make a great show of trying to take it out while huffing exaggeratedly. Kevin looks in my direction before looking ahead but when my cell starts ringing, he has no other option than to help me.

"Let me" He hastily takes it out without touching me for longer than necessary and puts the call on speaker.

"Did you check the mail I sent you?" Ed asks from the other line.

"Is it urgent?" Please, say yes.

"No" I sigh "Not if you get off on being the source of laughter in the class. We have our class of Professor Skye" I suppress the urge to bounce on my seat.

"I will do it as soon as I get off the call"

"Hurry up" Ed disconnects the call.

"Can you please help me?" I ask Kevin, munching on my sandwich slowly.

"Sure. It's locked"

"It's the numeric form of 'white'"

He gives me a look which tells me how ridiculous he finds it.

"I generally put passwords or pin codes after the color of that object but in numeric form. As you can see, my cell is white"

He types in the password.

"It's the list of topics of the project"

"Oh, I can check it later on then"

"Cool"

Silence.

When he still doesn't speak once we reach the college, I muster the courage to say what I should have said earlier instead of pulling the cellphone trick.